MISSING PERSON: Suspected link to student responding to Orange Alert

After Tuesday’s Orange Alert test, one student is believed to have suffered the email’s implied punishments.

The email (an example is shown) reads that it is just a test and that receivers should not respond to it.

Johnny Doesn’tListenToDPSEmails however, wondered what repercussions an Orange Alert test email could enact on him.

“I heard him saying he was going to respond to the
email,” his roommate, Sean BetterListeningSkills said. “He was on his
iPhone walking out the room, ready to send the reply message when I saw
him. He walked out and I haven’t seen him since.”

DPS is conducting further investigation into the situation.

If you know anything about the following, please contact DPS as soon as possible:

1. Johnny Doesn’tListenToDPSEmails’ whereabouts
2. Suspicious activity on Watson, 3^rd floor (Johnny’s dorm floor)
3. 
   Shady shit going on with these motherfucking threatening emails from Orange Alert
4. Any information regarding other students who may have also responded to the email