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Article by jpramuk
March 9, 2013

Boeheim Shits on Podium After Georgetown Loss

Syracuse head coach Jim Boeheim walked to the postgame press conference podium after his reeling team’s 61-39 embarrassment at No. 5 Georgetown Saturday, undid his pants, dropped a steaming, rancid turd just below the microphone, and walked out.   “You want an opening statement?” An irate Boeheim asked as he undid his belt. “Here’s my... MORE »

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Article by Alfred
February 11, 2013

Pope resigns, realizes there is no God after hearing Pauly D will be playing at Syracuse University

Catholics around the world were shocked to hear that Pope Benedict XVI had resigned from his position as “THE CLOSEST PERSON TO GOD ON EARTH.” He tells sources at Campus Basement that the departure comes from fatigue, old age, and University Union’s Winter Carnival line-up. “They were hyping the students up, saying, ‘oh get ready,... MORE »

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Article by Annie Segal
January 31, 2013

30 Rock and other shows insult Syracuse, must be destroyed

Tina Fey’s long running show, 30 Rock, will be airing its hour-long series finale tonight at 8/7 central on NBC. Let it be known that this was not Fey’s decision to end the show- it was the higher power of Syracuse University. Fey’s character, Liz Lemon, is the head writer of a variety show starring... MORE »

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Article by jpramuk
January 24, 2013

Phone Screenshots Officially Confirm Syracuse is Coldest Place Ever

Syracuse University students posted hundreds of smart phone screenshots of the city’s weather to social media in the past three days, officially confirming the city is “literally, like, THE coldest place ever.” The sheer number of screenshots showing temperatures that ranged from -65 degrees Celsius to 10 degrees Fahrenheit alarmed scientists, who quickly confirmed the... MORE »

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Article by Alfred
January 18, 2013

The Differences Between Fall and Spring Semester

Welcome back to Syracuse everybody! You may be wondering what’s so different about this semester than the last, so we here at Campus Basement are proud to present our comparative guide to help you transition into the new semester. MORE »

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Article by Kevin Cardoni
January 6, 2013

Hockey’s Back! …and there was much rejoicing

I woke up today thinking it would be any regular Sunday: completely naked, my head laying over the side of my bed, desperately trying to avoid the sunrise shining through the pathetic excuse for curtains and onto my face.  But then I saw the news, that glorious and long-awaited news, that the NHL lockout has... MORE »

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Article by Alfred
November 30, 2012

Things Syracuse Should Have But Don’t: Puppy Rooms

Finals week is coming up, and as we all know, it’s the most stressful time of the year. Syracuse University usually comes out with a handful of lame-ass events to help relieve stress. (Wow, breakfast at NIGHT TIME. You really out-did yourselves this time) Our neighbors across the North border at Dalhousie University’s got the... MORE »

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Article by Alfred
November 1, 2012

Checking the Weather – What You See — What They See

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Article by Kevin Cardoni
October 26, 2012

Halloween Costumes That Suck – And How to Make Them Awesome

Halloween weekend is finally here, and I couldn’t possibly be any more excited than I normally am to dress up like a fool and solicit goodies from strangers.  But not everyone takes this sacred holiday seriously, so here are a few quick examples of costume ideas that you should probably steer clear of for this... MORE »

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Article by Alfred
October 13, 2012

Student Still Waiting For Nas

After the major disappointment by Nas’s no-show at the One World concert, most students left, cursing the Hip Hop legend from Queensbridge. Most. Meet Jeffrey Turs, a junior attending Syracuse University who claims to be Nas’s biggest fan and firmly believes that the rapper will appear at the Carrier Dome. “This isn’t the first time... MORE »