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Mizzou professors, janitors, others to receive Nike Pro Combat uniforms
After University of Missouri athletic teams received new Nike uniforms, Mizzou professors, janitors, residential life staff, and others will also be receiving Nike Pro Combat uniforms to commemorate the school’s change into the Southeastern Conference (SEC). The new uniforms resemble football jerseys, complete with numbers, names on the back, and even the SEC logo on... MORE »
Two Professors to Get Married at Nasties
Two professors falling for each other is a common thing in the education system. The work place is often a dating hot-spot even though workers are told not to mingle with one another. After two years of dating, two Cornell biology professors are getting married in July, and they’re doing so at the place where... MORE »
Week in Review: You say goodbye, and I say NEWS
Your second-best source for this week’s Daily Trojan headlines. Students can donate excess dining dollars to LA homeless The only catch is that you have to figure out how to actually hold a dining dollar in your hand and describe what it looks like to the human eye. Betty White discusses new book at... MORE »
USC scientists find causality between Impact font and laughter
Science finally got to the bottom of the text-superimposed-over-image meme appeal, and it could not have happened sooner. To everyone’s surprise and delight, the humor in a meme has nothing to do with the content and everything to do with the font. “Believe it or not, the human brain actually functions in fonts. For example,... MORE »
Breaking News: College Professors Are Old
A recent study conducted by the Old People Association of Educational Things and Stuff found that 89% of all college professors are indeed age 60+. And yet, the test not only measured physical age, but mental age, creating a record breaking statistic of all college professors with an elderly mental age at 99%. The study... MORE »
Professors looking forward to stress, sexual thrill, of finals week
Finals week is known within the bowels of every college across the country, and DeVry, as “more brootal” than even the most hymen shattering and sticky of frat initiations. Adderall, rope, and razor blade stocks all shoot sky high (but nowhere near as high as the students) and many freshman are weeded out, opting to... MORE »
What Your Professors Are REALLY Saying
Hofstra professors are very much like fortune cookies””they are as insightful as they are tasty. Relax, I’m kidding! They’re NOT insightful (they’re just tasty). In fact, every once in awhile you get a really stupid fortune cookie that likes giving a lot of homework. Don’t get me wrong: I’ve loved a staggering 35% of my... MORE »
Week in Review: Time waits for no News
Your second best source for the week’s Daily Trojan Headlines Greek groups focus on new member integration Mainly because Greek organizations would like to start a tradition of having special activities that are just for new members for about one semester before they get to officially join, because that’s a fresh new idea. “Sweet Tenor”:... MORE »
USC Week in Review: News Happened!
The finest alternative source of this week’s DailyTrojan Headlines Noticeable lack of USC student participation in Occupy Wall Street Protest Looks like the Protest of the Occupy Wall Street Protest was a smashing success!! Students struggle to maintain internships and GPA It’s time to make a decision: which one do we kill? More... MORE »