Following a record-breaking season,
Syracuse basketball lost its first game tonight against the Notre
Dame Fighting Irish.
“We’re protesting,” senior James
O’Conner says. “Anyone of Irish descent is officially changing said
heritage tonight.” With that, O’Conner immediately crossed off his
name on his student ID to Ezekial Monora. “I really didn’t know
what wasn’t Irish, so I thought that was safe. My brothers thought it
sounded legit enough.”
With an influx of Biblical and
exotic-sounding names, the student body of Syracuse is determined to
offset any perceived victory of Notre Dame’s.
“I’m working on trying to ban that
hunchback movie from Netflix. Yknow, the one with the gypsy and the
guy voiced by Mel Gibson. No Notre Dame connections for anyone,
Disney included,” says junior Marcia Latitzia (formerly known as
Shannon McDoyle).
“I went to Skytop to drown my sorrows
and wanted to burn every bottle of Jameson and Baileys, those asshole
liquor companies,” said another student. In spite of the Irish
liquor going unsold, the liquor stores surrounding SU are reported to
sell out of their remaining stock as the 20,000 student population
binge drinks on Syracuse’s first loss.
