Last Monday, January 24 2011, the entire row celebrated new fraternity pledge
classes as West 28th street was lined with buff, young, USC men wearing suits
and ties for the first times in their lives.


Amidst the collar-fixing and tie-tying lessons, each of the 20-something
fraternities received an extra special surprise from the Delta Delta Delta
sorority: A full-sized birthday cake, lavishly adorned with icing designs and
words that wished everyone a good semester.


A break from the norm of individual Rice Krispies Treat
packages or small batches of cookies, this over-sweetened gesture of kindness
left many fraternity gentlemen stunned. “We wanted to create a sweet and happy
atmosphere to welcome the new pledges to the row!” Tri Delt’s social chair
explains. “And besides, we had to use up that extra $400 somehow”¦“


Most of the fraternities took the gesture well. Some,
however, found problems in its intentions: “At first I was all like “all
right!'” one fraternity brother from the Sigma Chi Fraternity stated. “”¦but
then I saw other frats havin’ the same cake, and so then I was all “not cool,
brah [sic].'”


“I don’t really get it” another anonymous bro complained,
“no strippers popped out of the cake. What’s the point.”


Other Greek organizations discovered ethical issues with the
well-intentioned gift: “We were having a meat-based dinner that Monday” a brother
of Sigma Alpha Mu explains, “and so none of us could have the cake. It would be
unkosher! It was such a shame, the whole thing had to go to waste.”


For the rest of the houses, however, the cakes were well-accepted;
over the course of the night, everyone had a few slices, and the rest was placed
into fridges between tubs of muscle milk and Amp energy drink.


All of this, however, means bad news for other sororities. While
most do not know how they can one-up the Tri-Delts, others are not intimidated:
“Bitch, please. We got this covered” a representative from an anonymous
sorority proclaimed, “I don’t want to give anything away, but I hope these boys
like Hyundais.”