Feeling like you really want to head to
the bars this weekend but don’t have the oomph? Can’t justify the
trek from Ackerman to Faegans in the chilly temps? Wish you could
simply have the Chucks experience in your living room?
Then fear no more ““ Campus Basement
is here to service you (and your needs, too)!
Introducing:
Syracuse Saturday Night in a Box!
Why even bother leaving your residence
when you can have all the fun of a Marshall St party in a box!
Contents include:
-
8 Miller Light Pitchers
-
Beer-Covered Playing Cards
-
Sound System (equipped with Journey’s “Greatest Hits!” set to play at max, eardrum-destroying volume.)
-
Your bar outfit: Beer-covered
jeans, beer-covered sneakers, beer-covered shirt, beer-covered coat,
and pending box-specific ensemble choices, beer-covered underwear.
(Some boxes may include broken and/or alcohol-laden shoes. Prices
may vary.) -
Vocal Filter Deactivating Cookies
-
Coherency Terminating Cheese Fries
(they taste just like the ones at Chucks!) -
InstaTurnOn
Gel Caps © (Take orally with water to feel an immediate need to
make out with all those dearest and physically nearest to you.) -
Stupidity
Inducing Biscuits -
Post-intox
Jimmy Johns Club Lulu Sandwich -
Humiliating photos of you intoxicated ready for mass upload
-
Dignity
Destroying Gremlin, or DDG for short (DDG is our brand-trusted
device included in your kit set to steal your keys, cell phone,
wallet, identity, self-worth, and email and Facebook log in
information. With its slightly alarming gremlin appearance, you’ll
be set to have the typical Saturday night terror of losing all your
valuables to presumably Thornden Park-created creature.)
Use
this clever array of materials and you’re set to have a Marshall
St-inspired shindig in no time!
