Greeting
current or incoming students!
Are
you tired or bored with the same ole, same ole that SU has shown you?
Are you frustrated with ho-hum tours that only reveal inaccurate
depictions of dorm room sizes, dining hall food, and expensive
classroom materials that you will pay for but never be allowed to
use? Are you craving a little bit more
from
your tours?
Then are you in luck! Because
for the first time in SU history, we’re offering you an all-star pass
to see the famed residents we have living here in our crusty-old
dorms to which you have all been subjected!
Just like the double-Decker bus
tours in Hollywood, we will show you the homes and hangouts of our
celebs on campus ““ starting with Michael Jordan’s daughter,
Jasmine, who starts freshman year this fall. We will show you where
she sleeps, her preferred tables in the dining halls, her frequented
paths on the quad, and hopefully give you guys the chance to snap a
picture of that famed offspring!
And if that wasn’t enough, we
will also try to follow her school schedule to get you up close and
personal with the basketball legend’s daughter! Note we provide the
only tour that can get you legally this close to the starlet without
fear of eliciting a restraining order from the Jordan family.
Meaning? Try doing this on your own and you can kiss every last dream
of getting close to His Airness goodbye as you’ll spend the remainder
of your college years beyond a 500-ft distance of anyone with the
last name of Jordan.
Disclaimer: While we will
undoubtedly get you MJ fans as close as possible to his bloodline, we
are legally obligated to tell all patrons that no one is permitted
(or encouraged) to get too close to the Jordan heiress or her two
bodyguards, Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck.
Recent headlines regarding Jasmine Jordan:
- Five students arrested after allegedly stalking Michael Jordan’s daughter
- SUDS.SYR.EDU shut down to prevent stalking of Michael Jordan’s daughter
- R.A.s and O.L.s brawl on quad over responsibility of Michael Jordan’s daughter
- SU to finally increase security, safety after learning of Michael Jordan’s daughter being on campus
- Celeb offspring battle for title of richest parents at SU after Michael Jordan’s daughter moved into dorms
- Dining Hall food to improve as Michael Jordan’s daughter moves onto campus
- First time in history: Boeheim nervous as rumors of Michael Jordan on campus make coach doubt which man could boast more orange fans
- SUNY ESF tries to recruit equally famous celeb offspring to compete with SU’s famous freshman, Michael Jordan’s daughter
- School demands press passes must be used for anyone near or speaking with Michael Jordan’s daughter; her RA included
