Ah, the dawn of a spring semester at
Syracuse University ““ a time when spring itself is nothing but a
thought over yonder, behind the mile-high snow banks and
record-breaking wind chills. A time when students return to campus
and thus, rejoice in their awaiting academia, frolicking to the
thought of cold nights spent curled in the laps of uncomfortable
library chairs listening to the snowfall reach
100-straight-hours-of-precipitation proportions.

And lastly, a time for some students to
invariably soil themselves as they hit the panic button awaiting

To the graduating seniors, class of
2012, I salute you. (I salute you as a peer, as I too am in this
panic-stricken assortment of students.) We are now thrust into a
campus that expects us to be so much ““ studious and academically-driven;
recklessly partying and binge-drinking; insatiable in promiscuity;
and still looking for a job come May. It’s a tough balance and so
with that, I offer the following advice and to-dos in our remaining
semester here.

1. Remember you are only young now and will never get to use that as an excuse again

On the eve of my 20th
birthday, my friends informed me that I needed to do something
reckless as I could no longer do so again and nonchalantly disregard
it as an action of a disgruntled teenager. Similarly, do something
reckless for you shall never have this chance to use the college
student label as an excuse. Rave. Live. Snort cow brains. Hell, be
creative like only college students can be and when the lovely
medical crews at Crouse are pumping your stomach, take solace in
their passive aggressive comments on how you are just a college
student and know none the better.

2. Genuinely stop sleeping

This is the only way you will have time
to fit in the 4085203840382 drinks you need to consume at Chucks and
Faegans, the additional 20 people with whom you need to hook up, the
shit you need to study, the friends you need to see before they too
set sail, and the jobs you need to attempt to find. I don’t mean,
pansy out and actually get four hours of sleep a night ““ malarkey I
say! Poppycock planning indeed! ““ throw sleeping out the window and
leave it for thy younger class man and class woman. Seniors don’t
give a shit about sleep.

3. If you have to prioritize,
prioritize the things you will no longer have when you leave

should go without saying, but seriously take advantage of all you
have here at beautiful Syracuse University. The cheap drinks on
Marshall St. Flip Night. Late night Kimmel trips. Sledding down
Crouse. Basketball games with the best team in the country. House
parties in east campus. South Campus parties. Two dollar Chucks
burgers on Mondays. Quadding. Campus food orders. Getting mugged in
Thornden. Stealing food from dining halls. Mooing at freshman on
Euclid. Overpriced rent. Using Bird Library bathrooms to pee in late
at night coming back from the bars. Mayfest. Just enjoy the things
responsible for luring former students back to campus years past
their graduation dates. For lack of a more creative phrase, seize
every windy/icy/blizzardy/lake-effect-snowy moment that the final
semester offers.

4. Have sex on the quad
Sure, it might not exactly go well with
the rest of this list but I’m just saying, you’ll never look at that
patch of grass next to the iSchool the same way again. And if there
was ever a time for this, it’s your last semester here so hop to it ““
the time is now.