“I couldn’t stop grieving,” Sam Bolindy said, Chucks pitcher still in hand since Saturday night. “I needed to ease my pain. I knew I had to move on, but I didn’t know how.”

And that’s when Bolindy traded his pitcher of $4 beer in for an Old Fashioned early Sunday and drowned his sorrows in the fifth season premiere of Mad Men. Only having been slightly familiar with the show before now, Bolindy quickly enveloped himself in the series, ignoring his still bruised orange heart.

Social media equally highlighted the trend; Facebook, Twitter, and meme pages became dedicated to the return of the series in almost the same moment Jared Sullinger and Aaron Craft signed their names on the list of Cuse’s Most Hated Individuals along with Nicki Minaj and whoever was responsible for resuming classes on Mayfest.

“I never watched the series before. But in the last 48 hours, I’ve watched every episode, DVRed the premiere, and am now watching it on repeat. I’m refitting my wardrobe with Banana Republic later today. I will be Peggy Olson by day’s end.” Says junior Tiffany Ferlandez.

“Grieving for the team losing Saturday? Is that all my existence means in this presumably academic atmosphere? I see; I’m nothing but the customer here, needing the constant and trivial entertainment about the game of an orange ball and a metal hoop. And to think some men have meanings in their lives,” Senior Josh Rapwon, whose friends have abandoned him since his Don Draper transformation.

Show execs from the series have been contacted by the school regarding the phenomenon. While only rumors, some believe PSAs instructing viewers to “not try* this at home” could air next during next Sunday’s episode. Regardless, it appears Mad Men’s effect on the mourning Orange is still prevalent.


*[To “try this at home” indicates any viewer’s inclination to mirror, imitate, or obsess over the characters, dress, language, culture, and era of Mad Men. This includes but is not limited to students positioning themselves like Don Draper in his chair, evoking a specifically nihilistic and negative attitude regarding every endeavor, insisting to others that you are an “ad man,” and dressing in accordance to an era roughly five decades old.]