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Cornell Articles
Ramapo Articles
Cornell Articles
Cornell Police Meet Weekly Quota For Ruining Fun
The Cornell police department was pleased to announce this morning that they’ve met they’re weekly quota for ruining fun. Yesterday the arts quad was the site of an “epic” snowball fight that saw upwards of 200 students. Smiles made a rare appearance in Ithaca until the police shut it down. Sergeant Levin of the CUPD... MORE »
Local Student Refuses to Vote for Anyone Who Doesn’t Dress Like an Elf
ITHACA, NY ““ Carl Burkenson ’15, of Cornell University, has reportedly absolutely refused to vote for anyone in the coming SA elections who does not dress like an elf and sing songs. “You heard me correctly,” says Carl. “Don’t bother adding me to your god damn Facebook group. Unless of course, you wear an elf... MORE »
TLC Adds Shows Featuring Weirdoes to Make Palin Seem Normal
We hope you like your crazies, because TLC is bringing them to a television near you. After finding success with 19 and Counting and Sister Wives, TLC has ordered ten more reality pilots in hopes to make Sarah Palin seem more normal. Palin’s contract specifically states that if the network fails to make her appear... MORE »
Cornell Bans Smoking on Campus for Fall 2012
For some people, there’s nothing like taking a quick cigarette break in between a class or during a timeout from an intense study session in the library. Unfortunately, the next time that craving hits you, you’ll have to walk to Collegetown to do it. This morning President David J. Skorton announced that the administration voted... MORE »
5 Things to Do Freshman Year
1. Go to Armory Square/Westcott Street ““ Hey! Guess what! There’s more to the Syracuse community than the shitty dorm food you’re force-fed every day. Explore a little bit. Dorian’s, Alto Cinco, Pastabilities, Dinosaur, and many other places serve food that hasn’t been seasoned with Exlax and leftover chicken from Veteran’s Day. Your best bet... MORE »
Keeping Warm in Pseudo-Winter
Here in Mahwah, there exists only two seasons: Summer and Winter. The long awaited “hoodie weather” never happens, and short sleeve shirts are immediately traded for super itchy sweaters that never fit just right. As Summer phases out and Autwinter begins, you’re asking yourself why you picked a school that’s literally in the mountains.Every... MORE »
Senior Fund Gifts I Would Actually Donate To…
I’m no math major, but I’m pretty sure college is expensive. After four years of paying for alcohol food, and for drugs dorms, and for hookers books, I am pretty much done giving my hard earned bucks to this institution. Instead of understanding my grievances, the school is asking that I shell out even more... MORE »