Centro has announced that changes will be made to its South
Campus and Connective Corridor buses after vehicles struck pedestrians on three
separate occasions in the past week.
A spokesperson for Centro had this to say about the incidents; “We have
been criticized in the past for the lack of timely arrival of our buses, but we
assure you that these unfortunate accidents will not keep us from being at the
bus stop within 10 or 15 minutes of when we say we’ll be there.”

Centro’s bold new plan involves attaching brush guards to
the front and rear of all buses, as well as state-of-the-art maximum strength
windshield wipers along with reinforced bulletproof glass windshields.

“Accidents happen, that’s just how life works. But you can’t let accidents slow you
down. We at Centro will stop at
nothing, and we mean NOTHING, to keep those buses rolling.”

In a direct response to this unexplained phenomenon, DPS is
implementing a system of checks and balances to ultimately make it illegal to
throw yourself in front of a vehicle, even if it’s parked. They have also started hiring officers
to patrol corners, not only to keep people from falling into traffic, but to
discourage prostitution as well.

The Centro spokesperson has also said that bus drivers will
now be discouraged from attempting to strike any pedestrians, both in front of
and inside the bus, with a severe series of warnings that will eventually be
ignored by employees. While the
news is exciting for some, other frequent passengers seem uncertain if this
will change anything.

Reginald Van Landingham, a sophomore student in the Whitman
school, says he has been waiting at a bus stop on South Campus for 3 days, and
fears that a bus may never come.
“It’s been rough,” he said, shivering, “I got hungry like 10 hours in,
and well, I did some things I’m not proud of, but let’s just say I wasn’t the
only one waiting for this bus when I got here”¦”

While it is uncertain whether bus services will improve with
the dawn of these new modifications, one thing is for sure. Students will think twice before
throwing themselves in front of these deathtraps.

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