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Matt Barkley Experiences Low-Point Montage After Being Defeated By UCLA
Last night as the UCLA Bruins spiked the ball down to run out the clock and stamp their name on the games victory, both the rains and a sense of extreme disappointment in our quarterback, Matt Barkley, descended over the campus of USC. A downtrodden Barkley, taking the loss to heart, flipped up the collar... MORE »
Halloween Costumes That Suck – And How to Make Them Awesome
Halloween weekend is finally here, and I couldn’t possibly be any more excited than I normally am to dress up like a fool and solicit goodies from strangers. But not everyone takes this sacred holiday seriously, so here are a few quick examples of costume ideas that you should probably steer clear of for this... MORE »
DPS Party Busts Cause Sharp Drop in Weekend Violence
In response to an alarming string of violence in the Syracuse campus area in the past few weekends, the Department of Public Safety and Syracuse Police Department created a new initiative to break up every party on campus and the outlying areas. The brilliant initiative yielded immediate results, as violent crimes went down 350% in... MORE »
Upbeat Pop Song About Partying is a Huge Hit With Young People
BREAKING: A song centralized around partying, drinking alcoholic beverages, and generally having a good time has proven to be a massive chart-topping pop hit this week. The catchy tune was written and sung by a popular artist who has already had at least one or two Top 40 hits covering similar subject matter. The new... MORE »
Jesus Misses Easter, Too Hungover
After 3 straight days of partying, Jesus Christ, 33, awoke yesterday on April 8 to realize something awful – he had missed Easter. “I literally remember nothing about the past 3 days,” Jesus said to our crack-investigative team. “And then I woke up yesterday with the worst Dad-damn headache I’ve ever had... MORE »
Non-drinkers can finally meet everyone’s ‘judgmental’ expectations by adapting statements from typical college party-goers
After several years’ worth of attending college parties as a non-drinker, I am noticing a concerning trend: we alcohol-free anomalies just are not meeting everyone’s expectations. When we show up to parties, ready to enjoy ourselves without bothering anyone or making a scene, we are a disappointment. Why? Because we are not judging people enough.... MORE »
Ramapo College Cancels Spring Break
Mahwah, New Jersey-In a whirlwind decision, Ramapo College administrators agreed that starting this semester, the college will no longer give students a Spring break. However, in an experimental move that will either garner high praises or arouse copious concerns, Ramapo will being giving all school faculty a Spring break. This includes professors and administrators, as... MORE »
Campus Basement Dean’s List
Check out the latest and greatest from our friends! Whether you’re wondering what kind of shit hungover people say, looking for some awesome party ideas, or trying to validate your choice in music or fast food, this week’s edition of Dean’s List has it all covered! Well, it has all the things I just mentioned,... MORE »