Mahwah, NJ – The tyrannical mini-nation
known as Ramapo College continues to force students to leave campus. No, I’m
not talking about student herding (rumored to begin next Fall). As Public
“Safety” released their ominous email this morning, a campus-wide
“NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!” was recorded being heard as far as Snooki’s house. Starting
today, if you’re a student over 21, you now need a Ramapo ID to prove your
worth. If you think your 7-15 person parties in the village weren’t hot enough,
Ramapo just cranked up the heat! It’s Thursday night. You’re at a party. Ok,
you caught me. You’re at a 7-person gathering. 15 minutes into the videogame
spectacular, you get a knock on your door. It’s Public Safety with a “noise
complaint”. You don’t let them in because you don’t allow inorganic meat in
your room. 20 minutes later, someone cracks a beer. Oh no! One of your
roommates turned 21 yesterday; he didn’t get a chance to get his new “Ramapo
Says I’m 21 ID”. Public Safety hears the can crack miles away (because they’re
not sitting outside your door with Spy Gear from Toys “R Us). “Knock knock,
it’s us bitches!” He holds a stick to your head and threatens a $1,000 fine.

To all the 21+ students on
campus, enjoy paying to prove your age to “officials” who are going to
incriminate you anyway for standing on grass outside the village. To all my
under 21-year olds, let’s go to New Rock. And finally, to Ramapo, you know
you’re in deep shit when your students can more easily sit VIP at a P. Diddy
party than drink at college.

Here’s the official email
from P-Safe if you missed it: