Mahwah, NJ – The tyrannical mini-nation
known as Ramapo College continues to force students to leave campus. No, I’m
not talking about student herding (rumored to begin next Fall). As Public
“Safety” released their ominous email this morning, a campus-wide
“NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!” was recorded being heard as far as Snooki’s house. Starting
today, if you’re a student over 21, you now need a Ramapo ID to prove your
worth. If you think your 7-15 person parties in the village weren’t hot enough,
Ramapo just cranked up the heat! It’s Thursday night. You’re at a party. Ok,
you caught me. You’re at a 7-person gathering. 15 minutes into the videogame
spectacular, you get a knock on your door. It’s Public Safety with a “noise
complaint”. You don’t let them in because you don’t allow inorganic meat in
your room. 20 minutes later, someone cracks a beer. Oh no! One of your
roommates turned 21 yesterday; he didn’t get a chance to get his new “Ramapo
Says I’m 21 ID”. Public Safety hears the can crack miles away (because they’re
not sitting outside your door with Spy Gear from Toys “R Us). “Knock knock,
it’s us bitches!” He holds a stick to your head and threatens a $1,000 fine.
To all the 21+ students on
campus, enjoy paying to prove your age to “officials” who are going to
incriminate you anyway for standing on grass outside the village. To all my
under 21-year olds, let’s go to New Rock. And finally, to Ramapo, you know
you’re in deep shit when your students can more easily sit VIP at a P. Diddy
party than drink at college.
Here’s the official email
from P-Safe if you missed it:
