Mahwah, NJ – After a few rough years in an economic recession, it’s no secret that students are struggling to pay for college in New Jersey. Ramapo College, as one of the top schools in New Jersey, (ringing in 10th place behind Rutgers, TCNJ, Kean, Stockton, and then five public high schools), has offered a lending hand to students in need of financial support. Daily Digest announced these new scholarships this morning.

The Tattle Tale Scholarship – This scholarship was developed by the Ramapo Alliance (President Mercer and the Head of Public Safety). It’s a reward for their student minions who need some cash to be able to keep doin’ what dey do. Qualifications:

  • Smart, sharp, Asian.
  • ASB undergraduate.
  • Has called Public Safety on their neighbors a minimum of 15 times.
  • Has never been caught calling in a noise complaint; a Ghost Narc.

The “I Feel Bad Cause You’re Not Gonna Make Any Money” Scholarship – As a means to support the RC majors that everyone thought were jokes, this scholarship is offered to students who will never ever make money, ever. Qualifications:

  • Open to all Music Industry students & Acting Majors.
  • Is poor.
  • Is delusional.
  • Must have no Minor or any other shot at employment in the real world.
The President Mercer Scholarship – This scholarship was created by the man, the myth, the legend: President Mercer. Originally intended as a scholarship for students in need, the qualifications were quickly changed after a short dinner table discussion with his wife. Qualifications:
  • Must not be eligible for another annual bonus.
  • Must be rich but not satisfied with how rich.
  • Must live in the vicinity of Ramapo College.
  • Must be President Mercer.
Good luck to all the applicants!
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