Members of the Men’s Basketball team were distraught Wednesday, after Coach Jones refused to grope them after the game. This isn’t the first time players have come forward about Coach J. refusing to touch them.

On several instances over the course of the season, players have openly claimed that they lack a little inspiration. “You can tell Coach J. is extremely tempted to touch me but is reluctant because of the potential ramifications, but I sure could use a head to toe rub down right about now”, said freshman guard Jeffrey Williams. There is much speculation that if Coach J. doesn’t motivate the team soon that they will lose too many games to have the potential of earning an automatic bid for the NCAA tournament.

With all the touching going on throughout college sports most coaches will overlook the NCAA rules just to get the competitive edge. “When Coach wrestles with us it really gets me pumped up and ready to compete at the highest level,” a player of Willy P said after Friday’s matchup. “I feel bad for teams who don’t have coaches willing to cheat the system.”

Rumors are that members of the boosters may step up soon and volunteer their services. “It’s not as if we are giving money to the players, it may be against the rules, but its nowhere near as bad as paying college athletes”. It remains to be seen whether actions of the booster members can save the basketball season and can be done without catching the attention of the pesky NCAA officials.

“We’re trying to do something special here,” states one team member. “How can we compete with the big boys if we don’t act the part?”