Mahwah, NJ – This week, Ramapo College hosted its annual Club Fair to showcase all Ramapo has to offer to the student population. The club fair was home to an amalgam of old, prestigious clubs, and brand new startup clubs. Students were both shocked and excited to see the new offerings of Ramapo College’s Club Fair.

Amongst the sea of stands was a new club called Merce-Romney Club, an appreciation club for silly leaders of America, such as President Mercer and Presidential candidate Mitt Romney. One member of the club spilled to us that only 47% of the club participates in the club. The other half is like Mexican or something. None of them seemed too sure of what they wanted to accomplish through their club, they just knew they wanted people to be miserable, because in the words of the head of the club, “that’s what Mercer & Romney would want”.

Next door to the Merce-Romney stand was the Mexican Heritage club, which proved to be terrible Club Fair placement. the Merce-Romney members kept trying hire the Mexican Heritage members to run their kiosk. It was reported that one of the Mexican Heritage members moseyed out of his stand and crossed the border to the Merce-Romney stand, resulting in the ROTC club forcefully removing the entire Mexican Heritage Club from campus. By the end of the day, the Merce-Romney club, ROTC, and Christian Student Club combined their tables into one massive “World Power” table.

The other side of the fair held some more mellow clubs, such as MEISA, the Music and Entertainment Industry Student Association, or in America words – Weird Music People Trying to do Things. No one was really sure what this club does or if it does anything at all, but there were a lot of guys with long hair standing around nodding their heads. As of right now it is unclear as to if these were actual club members or local drunks requesting “more Skynyrd”.

Next to MEISA was a stand for NORML, the National Organization for the Reform of Marijuana. No word on who runs the club or how to get involved, as the only person there was some guy asleep on a table with a half-eaten sandwich hanging out of his mouth and a disconnected Xbox controller. There was no sign up sheet, just a piece of rolled up paper that said “420 lol”.

Right in front of the Women’s Center stand was another new club, the Gentlemen’s Club. Probably the most mysterious of the stands, this club was just a black tent with a bouncer and a sign that said “GIRLS”. Some sorority girls apparently found the sign misleading: Courtney Sanders of Greek Life tells Ramapo Basement in an exclusive interview, “the sign said girls, and like, I’m a girl, so like I went in. They wanted me to like get naked and I’m just like not the kind of girl that just gets naked for any random guy in a dark room. Ew.” Her friend Nicole then reminded her that she is that kind of girl, and Courtney immediately retracted her statement.

Ramapo Basement was not present at the Club Fair as we were all asleep and honestly who cares.