Jake Strasser’s journey from mediocrity to stardom is a story of great triumph. It all began when Strasser, as he is now referred to, was using the site Stumble Upon to kill time in what was a regular uneventful day at Ramapo College. After hours of mindless web surfing, Jake landed on Campus Basement’s homepage which he described to me as “a college version of the onion”. Jake was immediately intrigued and sent over a writing sample to the head writers at Campus Basement. After hours of being held hostage and receiving numerous death threats, Campus Basement’s staff had no other choice but to let Jake start up his own Ramapo branch.
For a while, Jake was content with putting out weekly satirical articles about Ramapo College’s flaws as well as some occasional worldly humor. After months of relentless posting, Jake decided to wipe his ass with his marketing degree and pursue a career in writing. He quickly realized that no respectable publications would ever hire him so he decided to apply to Barstool Sports.
Jake’s hopes were dwindling after months went by without a response from the head writers at Barstool Sports. He contemplated suicide but decided that a slow painful death from the AIDS he had contracted would be much more effective. And then it happened……”Hey this is Kevin from Barstool Sports,” KFC said in a phone call last Friday afternoon. “We would like to bring you on as our new a Yankee blogger.” After an immediate occurrence of uncontrollable ejaculating, Jake responded, “I’m in!”
Jake immediately began his new responsibility of deep throating KFC’s cock while occasionally writing some smut humor about the Yankees. Strasser has developed quite a following from the Stoolie community and is currently the hottest thing on Twitter. To read his shit, follow his twitter at @StoolPizzaBoy. Best of luck Strasser and make Ramapo Basement proud!
