The new year started with a bang. Literally.

As the ball tea-bagged the mouth of times square, most of us began the mission of the year. It wasn’t to stay awake until the end of the party (which may have been a mission for some), it was the start of our New Year’s Resolutions.

For us here at Ramapo, we had our resolutions cocked and loaded. We were eager to fill our goals with the nectar of fulfillment…

Ramapo Campus Basement’s Week One Progress Report:

Joe’s Resolution: To not be such a piece of garbage on his days off.

Week One Progress: Slept until 1 in the afternoon, laid in bed and stumbled the internet for hours. Ran once.

Jake’s Resolution: Do NOT have anything to do with writing yet another article about New Years Resolutions like every other person in the world.

Week One Progress: Fuck.

Sam’s Resolution: Attempt a diet that excludes all fried foods and red meat.

Week One Progress: Monday- KFC Double Down. Tuesday- Chicken Wings and French Fries. and this trend continues…

Steve’s Resolution: Go to gym, get into routine workout regimen.

Week One Progress: Mon: Bi’s/ Tri’s Tues: Chest/Back Wed: Shoulders/ Abs Thursday: Legs… On second thought.. I’m taking today off… Fri: Bis/Tris Sat: Chest Back Sunday: Off.

Adam’s Resolution: Lower standards.

Week One Progress: Brittany Griner, Mrs. Doubtfire, Joakim Noah; So far so good