Forget freshmen overcrowding causing an SU housing crisis; we have bigger problems on our hands. Syracuse University’s senior class has made a collective decision to stay at Syracuse as long as they can.

“At first I was all excited to leave..and by at first, I mean when I was like a sophomore. But then I realized that I have to get a job. Like, I didn’t even think about that at first. I can’t show up to my job drunk or skip my job to drink or turn in my reports with beer on them. So I figured, that’s it. I’m not leaving. My parents aren’t going broke anytime soon, one more year of paying my rent won’t kill them.” explained a current senior.
“This place is a shitshow every night of the week, and you expect me to move to fucking Albany and get a 9-5?” exclaimed what appeared to be a drunken senior but was later proved to be a drunken homeless man.
Housing isn’t the only aspect of SU life that has been thrown into a state of confusion by the seniors’ protest of the real world; graduation will also see large changes this year.
“We’re calling it Mayfest II. Instead of a graduation ceremony, we’re going to treat it like a “hell no we won’t go” kegger.” says Roger Wilkins, a senior engineering major.
There has been a notion to rename the university “Syracuse University and 20-something Babysitting Service,” but officials have refused to confirm or deny the legitimacy of the new name.