In response to a recent attempt by other Syracuse dorms to overthrow the residents of the posh residence hall, Ernie Davis, a competition has been organized that will ultimately kill two residents of each of the other SU residence halls.
“We really wanted to make this competition our own. There are too many humanitarian groups on campus that would object to the brutality of a gladiator-style match like in the popular Hunger Games novels. But, you know, the peasants of Flint Hall and the rest of the dorms still need to die, so we modified the process some.” said the emperor of Ernie Davis dining hall.
In an admittedly more anticlimactic fashion than the actual Hunger Games series, two students from each residence hall will have to wait for the South Campus bus in nothing but a tank top and underwear in the frosty January weather. Doesn’t sound so bad, right? The competition will take place on a Sunday.
“I take credit for that idea.” stated the emperor. “At first it seemed bad, but not TOO bad. Then when I thought of making them wait for the bus on a Sunday, I knew we’d have some serious hypothermia victims on our hands. That shit takes like at least an hour to come on a Sunday afternoon.”
The residents of Ernie Davis will be watching the event from their ritzy dining center as well as their top-of-the-line gym. Smugly.
