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Is it Finals Week Yet at Syracuse?
The 5 Classes You Must Take At SU Before You Graduate.
Picking classes at SU is a skill. Yes, some luck plays a role but ask any upper classman and they’ll tell you that preparation is key. So your friends at Campus Basement have complied a list of the five best classes to take next semester. If you can somehow take all five of these classes... MORE »
Ten Ways to Make Your Professor Hate You
1. On every essay exam, write 4 different ‘options’ as answers. On multiple choice exams, write long descriptions of your answer in the margins. Tell her you just don’t ‘get’ testing. 2. No matter what the subject matter is, whenever a question is asked in class, always relate your answer to Harry Potter. Hitler—>Voldemort. Jesus—>Harry.... MORE »
How to Use a Campus Computer During Finals Week
It’s 6:42 AM. Finals week. You’ve taken enough Adderall to cure yourself of that annoying sitting still habit you used to have. You haven’t slept in 39 hours. You haven’t had sex in 32 hours. You’ve watched so much porn to distract yourself from this 20-page paper that’s due in less than four hours that... MORE »
The 12 Days of College Christmas
On the first day of Christmas, Professor gave to me: A night of binge drinking. On the second day of Christmas, Professor gave to me: 2 hours of sleep, And a night of binge drinking. On the third day of Christmas, Professor gave to me: 3 books to read (where do I buy books?), 2... MORE »
Occupy Library: Freshman Edition
A dark cloud is looming over the Syracuse University campus. A storm is coming, and its name is finals. Well, the storm actually prefers to be called Helga, but that’s neither here nor there. It’s also a metaphorical storm because it hasn’t snowed in Syracuse yet. Sophomores, juniors, and seniors have experienced the wrath of... MORE »
Blog of a Frat Bro: Finals Week Edition
‘Sup, my nuggets? That’s the safest way I can use the word I should be allowed to use, but fuckin’ peepz don’t get that I’m fuckin’ Sirius: mad black, yo. Dat’s da bull standard for ya, da bullshit standard. N E way, hope your all treatin’ you’re final exams like butts and stickin’ it to... MORE »
Just Your Average AST 101 Slide
I promise I only giggled a little. MORE »
Which Syracuse University College Should You Go To?
In flow chart form. MORE »
Syracuse Adds New Majors; ‘Greekonomics,’ ‘Talking to Old People’ Programs Growing Rapidly
It was announced by University officials on Friday that Syracuse would be adding four new majors and a minor to their curriculum. The new majors are “Greekonomics, Waiting For the Bus to South, Talking to Old People and one major simply called “Snow.” The minor is a concentration within the Talking to Old People major... MORE »
Disgruntled Student Passes Out and Sleeps Through Block Party…AGAIN
April 27th was no ordinary Friday for Katrina Locke; nor was it for any other Syracuse student. It was a very special Friday: the mythical day known as Mayfest. Katrina, a lover of electronic music and raspberry alcohol, had pumped herself up for weeks upon weeks over Mayfest’s arrival. “This year will be different. This... MORE »
Student OK With Sorority Girl Loving Big; Doesn’t Want It Flaunted ‘In His Face’
“I’m a reasonable man. I have no issues with a sorority girl loving her big. I get that it’s the 21st century. I’ll tell you what I do have a problem with: her shoving it in my face, and down my throat.” Said the student who wished to remain anonymous. “Okay, you love your big.... MORE »
Newhouse Kids Incessantly Asking Cusack and Roberts to Be in Their Movie
With the news of Emma Roberts and John Cusack filming at Syracuse University buzzing around campus, many students were interested in much more than just spotting the two stars. Allegedly, Newhouse student after Newhouse student have approached the two “Adult World” stars hoping to cast one of them as the star for their TRF class... MORE »
University Reads Memes; Fixes School
In a strange and surprising turn of events Sunday afternoon, Syracuse University announced that they would be ‘fixing’ the university in response to the popular SU memes page. “We had no idea that tuition was so high. We were positively stunned when we were informed by Scumbag Steve.” said a representative from Syracuse University. “I... MORE »
What Your SU Coffee Shop Preference Says About You
Dunkin’ Donuts by Marshall St.–So you’re a purist, eh? The one in Schine just doesn’t meet all your caffeine-related needs? I bet you complain that the Taco Bell in Kimmel “just isn’t the same.” Well, it isn’t, but it’s not like you’ve ever been there sober anyway. Starbucks on Marshall St.–Arguably the best cup of... MORE »
Ten Ways to Make Your Professor Hate You
1. On every essay exam, write 4 different ‘options’ as answers. On multiple choice exams, write long descriptions of your answer in the margins. Tell her you just don’t ‘get’ testing. 2. No matter what the subject matter is, whenever a question is asked in class, always relate your answer to Harry Potter. Hitler—>Voldemort. Jesus—>Harry.... MORE »
Ernie Davis Residents to Kill Students in “Hunger Games” Competition
In response to a recent attempt by other Syracuse dorms to overthrow the residents of the posh residence hall, Ernie Davis, a competition has been organized that will ultimately kill two residents of each of the other SU residence halls. “We really wanted to make this competition our own. There are too many humanitarian groups... MORE »
10 Ridiculously Impractical Ways to Stay Warm This Winter (Cuse)
This article is part of our “Let’s Keep This Website Awesome Over Winter Break” Tournament series. Check out the opposing article here and be sure to ‘like’ your favorite! Peel Otto open. Crawl inside. Burrow yourself. Were talking two birds here: food and warmth. Let the force be with you. Pay a group of freshmen... MORE »
What Your New Years Plans Say About You (Cuse)
This article is part of our “Let’s Keep This Website Awesome Over Winter Break” Tournament series. Check out the opposing article here and be sure to ‘like’ your favorite! College students, behold, one of the best creations our society has bestowed upon us: New Years Eve. Alas, the day in which we ring in the new... MORE »
The History of the Christmas Sweater (Cuse)
This article is part of our “Let’s Keep This Website Awesome Over Winter Break” Tournament series. Check out the opposing article here and be sure to ‘like’ your favorite!Top Reasons Why The Christmas Sweater Was Invented So that there was one weekend of Winter that girls could go out and party without freezing their asses... MORE »
Just Your Average AST 101 Slide
I promise I only giggled a little. MORE »
Westboro Baptist Church to Protest Fab Melo’s Hair at the Carrier Dome
In a strange turn of events on Friday afternoon, the Westboro Baptist Church announced that they were not going to be protesting over the Bernie Fine scandal at Syracuse, but would instead be picketing Fab Melo’s new haircut. Westboro Baptist Church is known for its offensive and ultra-conservative politics. “His haircut is strange, it makes... MORE »
Which Syracuse University College Should You Go To?
In flow chart form. MORE »
UC System To Begin Routine Beatings of Students
After the events that occurred on UC Davis’s and Berkeley’s campuses this past month, many people expected that the universities would strive to protect their reputations through support for peaceful protests and apologies for their resident police departments’ actions. Not the case. In fact, the UC system announced today that it would begin routine beatings... MORE »
Student Association Cuts Funding for Syracuse University
In an unexpected turn of events this week–and likely an unapologetic publicity stunt to remind students that Student Association exists so that they’ll vote for president–Student Association has cut the budget for Syracuse University itself. Robert Rane, the University official who was assigned to attend the meeting to acquire funding for the University,... MORE »
10 Awesome Ways to Make Your Roommate Move Out
Start every day off with a hot coffee and a showing of “The Human Centipede” on your shared TV. Refuse to wear headphones and make sure you’re in all 8am classes. Find out when his/her class discussions are. Go to them and drunkenly make fun of him/her when he/she starts to talk. Phrases like “you... MORE »