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Top Reasons Why The Christmas Sweater Was Invented

  1. So that there was one weekend of Winter that girls could go out and party without freezing their asses off. Ugly Sweater Party for Jesus!
  2. Because your Elementary school librarian has her own clothing line at K-Mart.
  3. Christmas got a little jealous of Halloween.
  4. Because people with a lot of bumper stickers on their car got bored.
  5. To seriously confuse the Chinese children who sew most of them. “Why does that pile of snow have eyes and a hat?”
  6. To further taunt people whose favorite holiday is Arbor Day. When is that again?
  7. To appease elderly people after Obama was elected.
  8. Aunt Sally needed gift ideas!
  9. Because Santa only hooks up with “nice” girls.
  10. So your significant other can’t tell how fat you’ve become during the holiday season.
  11. Because you wanted to start a trend like Regina George’s tank top with holes cut in it. Except so much more cutting edge. Pun intended.
  12. Someone once decided to partake in a religion that worships Winter-centric symbols and like all religious traditions and ideas, we Americans are truly putting our own spin on it.
  13. To make further use of sheep for wool after eating delicious mutton and lamb for Christmas
  14. To “buy local’ in whatever your local community is offering…even hideous ensembles
  15. Because so many other ugly things are hip these days – ugg boots, monochromatic outfits, snuggies…anything with “u’ and “g’ back to back in its name
  16. In the venn diagram of options for winter Syracuse drinking, you can only have two of the following: warmth, humor, and dignity. We can see which options gets sacrificed around the holidays.
  17. Because godwilling when some nationally-ranked student press representative wants to interview you, there is no better ensemble
  18. To troll people who don’t celebrate Christmas.
  19. Because that’s what Jesus would do.
  20. Because It is the one time where Syracuse and ESF students can dress similarly.
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