After the events that occurred on UC Davis’s and Berkeley’s campuses this past month, many people expected that the universities would strive to protect their reputations through support for peaceful protests and apologies for their resident police departments’ actions. Not the case. In fact, the UC system announced today that it would begin routine beatings of its undergraduate students.
“These senseless and merciless beatings won’t be a punishment for any particular infraction students may break, they will just be routine. We want to show our students, and the public, how serious we are about stifling freedom of expression. You make the Dean’s List? Congratulatory beating. Maybe some pepper spray.Taser bate if you have over a 3.8. And if you don’t? Same story as above. We need to desensitize and train our students to endure these forms of police brutality. It’s an essential part of our mission.” said a UC representative late Sunday night.
The new policy has already been practice by a few police officers in the UC system. A service club at UC Davis was viciously pepper sprayed by a police officer for collecting cans for a Thanksgiving dinner at a local shelter. This brutality was met with outrage throughout the university, but could not be punished because of the new policy.
“Yeah, they weren’t being destructive or really doing anything wrong, but I just didn’t like their faces.” said a university police officer.
Prospective students are also getting a taste of what to expect when they enter the UC system at the hands of admissions recruiters.
“Instead of ‘Accepted Students Day,’ we now have ‘Beat Teenagers Who Show Interest In the School With Night Sticks Day.’ We’ve learned that breaking their spirits early helps us pick students who are good fits for the UC system. I mean, if you can’t handle your load as a prospective student, you’ll never survive the unprovoked beatings given to our valued full-time undergraduates.” explained a UC official.
