1. On every essay exam, write 4 different ‘options’ as answers. On multiple choice exams, write long descriptions of your answer in the margins. Tell her you just don’t ‘get’ testing.
2. No matter what the subject matter is, whenever a question is asked in class, always relate your answer to Harry Potter. Hitler—>Voldemort. Jesus—>Harry. Calculus—>Moaning Myrtle.
3. If the professor asks that laptops aren’t to be used in class, say that that’s “totally cool” and bring a modem and monitor to the next class.
4. If you take a history class, insist that the course material sounds familiar and accuse her of plagiarizing from your high school teacher.
5. Bring a video camera into class and talk about how much money you’re going to make off the kids who skipped class today. Ask her to speak louder. If you have the equipment, bring a boom mic.
6. Convince all of your friends to take the same class as you. On the first day of class, show up wearing the same outfits. Don’t acknowledge it.
7. Wear the same outfit to class everyday. A few weeks into class, put a blow-up doll wearing your outfit in the seat you normally sit in and skip class. The next class, apologize for falling asleep last time.
8. Whenever somebody gets an answer right, high five them. If they get it wrong, shake their hand and say “you’ll get ’em next time.”
9. Create a fake email address and send your professor emails from “future her” during class. Say things like “Let the class out early, trust me you’ll be glad you did.” and “Don’t open the second drawer from the left!”
10. Write her name on top of your quizzes. When she asks whose quiz it is, laugh and say ‘you don’t know your own name?’
