In a strange turn of events on Friday afternoon, the
Westboro Baptist Church announced that they were not going to be protesting
over the Bernie Fine scandal at Syracuse, but would instead be picketing Fab
Melo’s new haircut. Westboro Baptist Church is known for its offensive and
ultra-conservative politics.

“His haircut is strange, it makes me forget who he is when I’m trying to
watch the games, and frankly I just don’t like it. I’m having a hard enough
time adjusting to the number 3 no longer being Gerry McNamara and then he goes
and gets that haircut? I literally can’t even tell who it is now.” said
Fred Phelps of the Westboro Baptist Church. “I don’t like change.”

The group has already begun making signs that say things such as “God
Hates Haircuts” and “Fab shall not get asymmetrical
haircuts-Leviticus 11:4” Students are organizing counter-protests that
will be outside the Carrier Dome while the Westboro Baptist Church is
protesting. Student counter-protests are rumored to have a “Melo Out”
head shaving station where students can have their hair cut like Fab Melo’s. It
is also rumored that many students will be armed with scissors. Sources tell us
that SUNY-ESF will be organizing a counter-protest to protest the Syracuse University
students’ counter-protest.

“We don’t believe in haircuts.” Said a SUNY-ESF