The brothers of Alpha Delta Kappa have opened their hearts this
week to filmmaker/alum Zack Snyder, who has apparently fallen on hard times

“300 was one of the best movies of, like, my childhood,”
said freshman Cody Jenkins, shaking his head sadly.  “There was so
much potential…so much potential.”

The philanthropy is designed to raise roughly $100,000 dollars, or
enough to give Snyder a hefty scholarship to attend USC film school, hopefully
before Snyder begins production on the new Superman movie.

“We can’t let Superman crumble the way of his other recent
films,” said Joe Collins, chair of the philanthropy.  “We need
to get him back to his classic roots of extreme gore, strange color correction,
and slow-motion sex scenes.”

“Something truly traumatic must’ve happened…  I mean,
did you see that Ga’Hoole movie?  It was…I can’t finish.”

The emotion Collins felt spread through the rest of the
fraternity.  Most brothers refused to even acknowledge Snyder’s most
recent film, “Sucker Punch.”  Faculty advisor David Richards
explained the reasoning: “From a fraternity, in lay terms ‘bro,’
perspective, Sucker Punch is something of a perfect storm.

“You have a bordello of strippers, but you never see them
dance.  You have a huge amount of action scenes, but the CGI looks weird
and the stakes make no sense.  Perhaps most importantly, you have a script
that even econ majors can make fun of.

Worst of all, it would be a
so-bad-it’s-good movie, but because it’s dealing with rape you can’t even laugh
about it!  Truly, there is nothing defensible about the film.

Despite all of the negativity surrounding the filmmaker, Collins
maintains positivity.  “This is an instance where you can really make
a difference in the world.  It’s not too late to save Superman…or Zack Snyder.

“Just imagine what could’ve happened if we did this with M.
Night Shyamalan.”