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New Frat Policies Carry Over Into the Classroom
New policies at Syracuse frats have begun to carry over into the classroom.
“It’s total bullshit!” Syracuse freshman Eric Davis proclaimed in response to new University rules that state you need to be either on the list or an attractive female to attend classes. “I’m walking into my Anthropology class and all of a sudden some douche in a polo shirt stops me and points a goddamn clipboard at my chest. I’m registered for the class, how the hell am I not on the list?” continued Davis.
As Davis complains, a group of sorority girls in four-inch stilettos and cocktail dresses saunter into the class, seemingly unnoticed by said “douche in polo shirt”. Professor McCarthy defended the new University policy to reporters: “Honestly, we can’t have a sausage fest up in here. How the hell am I supposed to have the coolest Anthropology section if we have like 100 freshman boys in this class?”
When confronted with the fact that the class he taught was, in fact, a freshman course, he shrugged and popped his collar. “Listen,” Professor McCarthy replied “I get that it’s different from how it used to be, but If they really want to get in they can either rush my section in the Spring or come with a pack of cute girls and pay like ten or twenty bucks. Depending on how cute the girls are. Otherwise, there’s really nothing I can do.”
Picking classes at SU is a skill. Yes, some luck plays a role but ask any upper classman and they’ll tell you that preparation is key. So your friends at Campus Basement have complied a list of the five best classes to take next semester. If you can somehow take all five of these classes... MORE »
Now that Syracuse University’s IFC spring rush period has finally come to an end, aspiring Greeks around campus have officially made the coveted transition from GDIs to worthless maggot pledges, prepared for the toughest physical and mental challenge of their college careers. Delta Theta pledge Marc Nason, however, was caught off guard to learn that... MORE »
‘Sup, my nuggets? That’s the safest way I can use the word I should be allowed to use, but fuckin’ peepz don’t get that I’m fuckin’ Sirius: mad black, yo. Dat’s da bull standard for ya, da bullshit standard. N E way, hope your all treatin’ you’re final exams like butts and stickin’ it to... MORE »
Frat Parties, Frat Parties, Frat Parties. “Nuff Said. While many people argue that certain frats are better than others, they are all essentially the same. Loud music in the basement, a 30 minute line to get beer at the bar, girls wearing just enough to avoid being arrested for indecent exposure, and people grinding like... MORE »
Our first hazing story of the year! Hooray for fraternity hazing! Oh, wait. Not hoorayÃ¢Â€Â¦ Dear Campus Basement:What you are about to hear is disturbing and is not approved for mature audiences. So please, if youÃ¢Â€Â™re mature, donÃ¢Â€Â™t read this.My hazing started out simply enough, with a *** (frat letters omitted here) tradition: carving a... MORE »
It was announced by University officials on Friday that Syracuse would be adding four new majors and a minor to their curriculum. The new majors are “Greekonomics, Waiting For the Bus to South, Talking to Old People and one major simply called “Snow.” The minor is a concentration within the Talking to Old People major... MORE »
Life for Syracuse University frat pledge, Michael Wilkins isn’t all fun and keg stands. It’s hard work and keg stands, too. Now that the weather has warmed up, SU frats are beginning to train their prospective members for the shitshow that is Mayfest by a series of day-drinking events/challenges. It’s that time of year again... MORE »
This week it has been announced by the SU sororities’, that they are “so over” Edward Cullen and “that whole vampire thing”. The ladies of SU’s Greek life have moved on to greener pastures and more mysterious men. So mysterious, that this man they’ve move on to, is in fact, a ghost. No, it’s... MORE »
In an effort to pretend that Newhouse is keeping up with the rapidly changing media landscape, the former communications school giant announced the third overhaul of its curriculum in the past three years. The changes, announced in a press conference held Tuesday, were described by spokesman Ron Harris as “really we’re just giving all our... MORE »
April 27th was no ordinary Friday for Katrina Locke; nor was it for any other Syracuse student. It was a very special Friday: the mythical day known as Mayfest. Katrina, a lover of electronic music and raspberry alcohol, had pumped herself up for weeks upon weeks over Mayfest’s arrival. “This year will be different. This... MORE »
“I’m a reasonable man. I have no issues with a sorority girl loving her big. I get that it’s the 21st century. I’ll tell you what I do have a problem with: her shoving it in my face, and down my throat.” Said the student who wished to remain anonymous. “Okay, you love your big.... MORE »
With the news of Emma Roberts and John Cusack filming at Syracuse University buzzing around campus, many students were interested in much more than just spotting the two stars. Allegedly, Newhouse student after Newhouse student have approached the two “Adult World” stars hoping to cast one of them as the star for their TRF class... MORE »
In a strange and surprising turn of events Sunday afternoon, Syracuse University announced that they would be ‘fixing’ the university in response to the popular SU memes page. “We had no idea that tuition was so high. We were positively stunned when we were informed by Scumbag Steve.” said a representative from Syracuse University. “I... MORE »
Dunkin’ Donuts by Marshall St.–So you’re a purist, eh? The one in Schine just doesn’t meet all your caffeine-related needs? I bet you complain that the Taco Bell in Kimmel “just isn’t the same.” Well, it isn’t, but it’s not like you’ve ever been there sober anyway. Starbucks on Marshall St.–Arguably the best cup of... MORE »
1. On every essay exam, write 4 different ‘options’ as answers. On multiple choice exams, write long descriptions of your answer in the margins. Tell her you just don’t ‘get’ testing. 2. No matter what the subject matter is, whenever a question is asked in class, always relate your answer to Harry Potter. Hitler—>Voldemort. Jesus—>Harry.... MORE »
In response to a recent attempt by other Syracuse dorms to overthrow the residents of the posh residence hall, Ernie Davis, a competition has been organized that will ultimately kill two residents of each of the other SU residence halls. “We really wanted to make this competition our own. There are too many humanitarian groups... MORE »
This article is part of our “Let’s Keep This Website Awesome Over Winter Break” Tournament series. Check out the opposing article here and be sure to ‘like’ your favorite! Peel Otto open. Crawl inside. Burrow yourself. Were talking two birds here: food and warmth. Let the force be with you. Pay a group of freshmen... MORE »
This article is part of our “Let’s Keep This Website Awesome Over Winter Break” Tournament series. Check out the opposing article here and be sure to ‘like’ your favorite! College students, behold, one of the best creations our society has bestowed upon us: New Years Eve. Alas, the day in which we ring in the new... MORE »
This article is part of our “Let’s Keep This Website Awesome Over Winter Break” Tournament series. Check out the opposing article here and be sure to ‘like’ your favorite!Top Reasons Why The Christmas Sweater Was Invented So that there was one weekend of Winter that girls could go out and party without freezing their asses... MORE »
In a strange turn of events on Friday afternoon, the Westboro Baptist Church announced that they were not going to be protesting over the Bernie Fine scandal at Syracuse, but would instead be picketing Fab Melo’s new haircut. Westboro Baptist Church is known for its offensive and ultra-conservative politics. “His haircut is strange, it makes... MORE »
In flow chart form. MORE »
After the events that occurred on UC Davis’s and Berkeley’s campuses this past month, many people expected that the universities would strive to protect their reputations through support for peaceful protests and apologies for their resident police departments’ actions. Not the case. In fact, the UC system announced today that it would begin routine beatings... MORE »
In an unexpected turn of events this week–and likely an unapologetic publicity stunt to remind students that Student Association exists so that they’ll vote for president–Student Association has cut the budget for Syracuse University itself. Robert Rane, the University official who was assigned to attend the meeting to acquire funding for the University,... MORE »