This week it has been announced by the SU sororities’, that
they are “so over” Edward Cullen and “that whole vampire thing”. The ladies of
SU’s Greek life have moved on to greener pastures and more mysterious men. So
mysterious, that this man they’ve move on to, is in fact, a ghost.
No, it’s not Nearly Headless Nick (while I heard he is quite
the charmer), but none other than 1920’s Chicago mobster and SAE brother, Paddy
Murphy. “He’s like the best wingman we’ve ever seen!” an SAE brother commented
when asked about this mystery mobster, “We didn’t ask him to come and he just
showed up but I’m not complaining. We haven’t even told him to do anything and he’s
wooing the crap out of our women ““ FOR US!”
Yes, it is true, Mr. Murphy has put a spell on the women
here by instead of scaring the shit out of them, demanding that they change
their facebook defaults, make their statuses about him, try to marry him on
facebook, participate in team building activities and most importantly, take
pictures with every last SAE brother on campus. Every. Last. One.
“The picture thing is frickin’ best part and that DEFF makes
him the best wingman ever. Anytime I’m in a public area, sorority girls NEED to
be in a picture with me. It’s unreal! I feel like Justin Beiber or Zac Effron
right now”¦ or some other guy chicks like.” The brother commented.
Unfortunately, not everyone is so happy about this new
mystery man joining the Syracuse University community. The SU administration
has been in a panic since Murphy’s arrival. “He came at probably the WORST
possible time! Its spring receptions! Do you even KNOW how hard it is to
persuade student’s parents to drop 40 grand on tuition alone? There’s no WAY we’ll
get them if they know our campus is haunted!”
To solve this problem, SU attempted to hire a service to get
rid of the ghost but none have responded positively. SU tried calling Ghostbusters only to
forget that the song mentions no actual phone number. They also attempted to
contact Mystery inc. and Scooby Doo and asked them to help, but had no success
after Mr. Doo replied “G-G-G-GHOSTS?!” jumped into Shaggys arms, and ran away
to the Ernie Davis dining hall.
As of right now, Murphy is still roaming campus, capturing
the heart of thousands of Grecian females, and totally helping his fellow bros
out.
