BREAKING NEWS
Syracuse University Power Outage
Students campus-wide are excitedly hurrying out of class due to the current power outage. The outage has affected the entire University; everything from computers, lights, and toilets are dead.
While stuck in a Whitman elevator, freshman Jennifer Powers exclaimed, “GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF HERE! I HAVE TO PISS SO BAD!”
Other students found stuck in the Whitman team rooms have succumb to animalistic sex in the dark, and the howling can be heard from all over the second floor.
Waverly ave traffic lights have reportedly also been affected. The street has turn into an epic Frogger match for students wishing to cross the road!
The SU Power Grid has supplied a short statement at this time.
“We is doin’ things much about power. Like, knowing. We know now down the power goes, so we go to bed. Be back soon.” said Jeff Armstrong, SU’s Chief Power and Electric Officer.
The outage is said to be only temporary, and a full restore of the grid should be up and running with the hour. The source of the outage has been attributed to a Walnut sorority electrocuting their new pledges.
