A study conducted last week concluded that every single
student using a laptop computer during Syracuse University lectures were not
taking notes, but rather, were constantly refreshing their Facebook pages for
notifications, updating their fantasy football team or checking
TextsFromLastNight.com for messages pertinent to their social lives and to
their sexual habits.

The study also found that the professor leading the lecture
had absolutely no idea that the laptop ass-grab was occurring, despite the fact
that not one single student asked a question nor made eye contact with him
throughout the entire 80-minute oration.

The scientific-based study was completed when a student
stumbled into the wrong classroom midway through a lecture to see that every
student was using a laptop computer and was not listening to the monotonous
professor leading the class. There were a lot of numbers to crunch in order to
determine a conclusion and analysis, but the student conducting the study
summed up his findings by stating that “it was clear that nobody gave a flying
fuck about what boring ass Professor Dillweed had to say.”

Professor Raymond Dillweed, the teacher of the unidentified
class, was shocked to hear that his students were “playing with their
technological dicks” instead of listening to his lecture on the ethnic makeup
of Ancient Mesopotamia. “I warned them at the beginning of the semester to not
surf the web,” said Dillweed. “I can’t believe they would do this to me.”

Dillweed attempted to deter the computer use by sending out
a threatening e-mail to his class saying that their behavior was not
appreciated and asked them nicely to stop.

Students of Dillweed’s class read the e-mail, and then
immediately continued to watch The Evolution of Dance on Youtube and text on
their BlackBerrys during his lecture on “The Spanish Flu Pandemic of 1918.” 

Some students might consider an online education to be more productive in terms of the time and knowledge acquired than having to personally attend to a classroom on given schedules