After class was dismissed last Wednesday, John Clinton, a
student of Professor Giovanni Luciano’s MAT 221 lecture, stayed to let Luciano
know that he was not in class the past Monday because he was “gravely ill” and
was in no way, shape or form “gallivanting with his friend Cameron in his 1961 cherry-red
Ferrari GT California.”

Clinton figured that Professor Luciano, who is a first
generation immigrant from Italy, had never seen the 1986 American comedy
“Ferris Bueller’s Day Off” based on his thick accent and his devotion to the
anti-social study of arithmetic. Contrary to Clinton’s stereotypical
undertones, Luciano has seen the film several times. Luciano cites his love of
hockey player Gordie Howe, whose jersey is prominently worn in the film by
actor Alan Ruck, as the main reason for seeing the film. 

Clinton prefaced the excuse by saying “this is a crazy
story, you’re never gonna believe this.” He then gave the major plot points to
the John Hughes film and then asked if he could retake a quiz he had missed
that Monday.

“So let me get this straight,” inquired Professor Luciano,
“you and your two friends went into downtown Chicago and watched a Cubs game at
Wrigley Field, visited the Sears Tower, the Art Institute of Chicago and the
Chicago Mercantile Exchange; an evening which culminated in partaking in the
Van Steuben Day Parade and belting out a rendition of the Beatles’ version of
Twist and Shout while surrounded by crowds of people and floats? You realize
Chicago is like a 12-hour drive from Syracuse, right?”

Luciano admitted that Clinton was kind of obvious about
taking his excuse straight from the film, mistakenly referring to himself as
“Ferris” several times throughout the encounter.

Clinton added that he was “totally sorry” for missing the
quiz and that it would “never happen again.”

Professor Luciano said that he would let the absence slide.
But he also proclaimed that if Clinton missed another class, he would break
into his house in search of him. Luciano concluded, “don’t make me go Principal
Rooney on your ass.”Â