Everyone gets them. Nobody reads them. I happened to look
through the past few e-mails regarding Syracuse Yearbooks, and realized why I
never read them in the past. Here are just a few.
From: suyearbook@syr.edu
To: everyone at
Syracuse
Subject: SU Yearbook
Special Offer!
Dear SU Student,
It’s that time of year again! Time to reserve the Syracuse
Yearbook, the opportunity of a lifetime. After all, you don’t want to forget
about the friends you’ve made at school once college is over. And let’s not
forget about those 13,479 people that you’ve never met! Who could forget them?!
You certainly won’t, once you purchase your Syracuse Yearbook. Yearbooks go on
sale today! Buy yours now!
From: suyearbook@syr.edu
To: everyone at
Syracuse
Subject: Purchase
Your Yearbook Today!
Dear Student,
For a limited time only, Syracuse Yearbooks are on sale!
Don’t miss out on the opportunity of a lifetime! With a Syracuse Yearbook,
you’ll forever remember the football games you only went to freshman year, the
disappointing basketball seasons, and the championship lacrosse seasons that no
one knew about! Pick up your yearbook today! They’re going fast, so don’t miss
out!
From: suyearbook@syr.edu
To: everyone at
Syracuse
Subject: You Haven’t
Taken the Hint About Yearbooks!
Dear Student Who’s Missing Out On the Opportunity Of A
Lifetime,
We’ve noticed that you haven’t purchased your Syracuse
Yearbook yet. What the hell is wrong with you?! You’re missing out on the
opportunity of a lifetime. We see that you are currently a freshman, but still,
you need to buy a yearbook! How else will you remember what life in Syracuse is
like? THIS IS THE OPPORTUNITY OF A LIFETIME, AND YOU’RE LETTING IT PASS YOU
BUY! Yearbooks are on sale for a limited time only, so come pick yours up
today. Or else.
From: suyearbook@syr.edu
To: everyone at Syracuse
Subject: BUY A
GODDAMN YEARBOOK!
Hey Fuckhead!
You still haven’t bought a yearbook, you son of a bitch! So
here’s the deal: you come buy your yearbook today, and we’ll return your sister
to your parents. We’re not fucking around. Every day that you don’t get a
yearbook, we’ll take something else from you. You’ve been warned before that
this is a LIMITED-TIME OFFER. Yearbooks are only on sale from now, August 29th,
until the end of the year. So hurry up and buy one before we start killing off
family members. IT’S THE OPPORTUNITY OF A FUCKING LIFETIME, ASSHOLE!
