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Ian Smith

November 30, 2010

Professor Moves Up Final Exam to Last Day of Class, Reaches “Baller Status”

And you thought your “douche” of a psychology professor should go “shove it.” “Yeah, I gotta say that before Professor Cox moved up the final exam to the last day of class, I thought he was a total asshat,” said fraternity brother Boner Jones. “I mean, I was getting D’s on his papers and tests... MORE »

November 23, 2010

Every Store on Marshall Street Will Be a Sandwich Shoppe By Year’s End, States Bold Predictor

A Syracuse University student with a keen eye for the obvious has boldly predicted that every store on Marshall Street will be a “sandwich shoppe” by year’s end. Ronald Carlson noticed that there was a new Jrecks Subs on the popular shopping avenue, replacing “whatever the hell used to be there.” Jrecks now joins Subway,... MORE »

November 16, 2010

Uh-Oh: The Only Person Who “Likes” Your Facebook Status Is The Weird Kid From High School

And you thought you were never gonna hear from him again. There is an epidemic going around on the popular social networking website Facebook, and it involves the unpopular nerds, geeks, losers, Trenchcoat Mafias, chess club members and men’s field hockey players of your high school: they are “liking” your Facebook status even though you... MORE »

November 10, 2010
November 9, 2010

Syracuse Basketball Rap

Over the past two Syracuse basketball season, many “hip-hoppin” raps about the team have surfaced and become quite popular. So I decided to throw my fitted hat in the ring in homage to the 2010-2011 team…and I think I failed quite miserably. Tupac is turning over in his urn as we speak. LYRICS Yo Jimmy... MORE »

November 2, 2010

Jersey Shore Costumes are a Definite Sign That the World Will End on 12/12/2012

It’s not exactly witnessing the Four Horsemen descend from a pitch-black sky with two moons, but it is pretty damn close. Saturday night, the night before Halloween that is colloquially known as “Devil’s Night,” took on a new connotation of the phrase after many Syracuse University students took to the streets as one of the... MORE »

October 26, 2010

Move Over Fantasy Football, Here’s Your Fantasy Beer Pong Draft Guide

Fantasy football, smantasy shmootball. With the NFL season just about halfway over, many fantasy footballers are out of their league’s playoff race and are looking for a new outlet. I’m here to tell you that Fantasy Beer Pong (FBP) is sweeping the nation more than Swiffer Wet Jet ever could. This is the new craze... MORE »

October 19, 2010

Did Grandma Really Steal Some of My Booze and Nudey Magazines Over Homecoming Weekend?

Grandmothers are the sweetest people on Earth: all those years of giving you hugs and cookies, all those years of a five dollar bill in a birthday card, all those years of pies on the window sills”¦and she never asked for anything in return. Until now. Grandma, or “grammy” is she is colloquially known, is... MORE »

October 12, 2010

Reason For Student’s Unexcused Absence Sounds A Lot Like The Plot For “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off”

After class was dismissed last Wednesday, John Clinton, a student of Professor Giovanni Luciano’s MAT 221 lecture, stayed to let Luciano know that he was not in class the past Monday because he was “gravely ill” and was in no way, shape or form “gallivanting with his friend Cameron in his 1961 cherry-red Ferrari GT... MORE »