And you thought you were never gonna hear from him again.
There is an epidemic going around on the popular social
networking website Facebook, and it involves the unpopular nerds, geeks,
losers, Trenchcoat Mafias, chess club members and men’s field hockey players of
your high school: they are “liking” your Facebook status even though you have
not talked to them in years.
Last week, Facebook user and the very lovely Chelsea Jones
posted a song lyric from the Nikki Minaj song, “Baddest Bitch” because she
really enjoyed the song and wanted the world to know that despite her
upper-middle class roots in New Jersey, she knew what “the rap game” was all
about. Her Facebook post was the following:
***nOw eVeRy cLuB pRoMoter wAnNa bId lYkE auCtIoNs,
CuZ wE pAcK sHoWs, sEll tICks lYKe BOsTon*** NiKKi mInaJ****
After reading the aforementioned post, several of Chelsea’s “Facebook
friends” were admitted into local hospitals for massive seizure attacks.
But that didn’t stop Charles Brayton, the now-22 year old pizza
deliveryman who had a crush on Chelsea in high school despite the fact that she
was prom queen and he was wore Hawaiian shirts every day. He “liked” her status
fifteen seconds after it was posted, and has been the only one since.
“I figured she would understand my affection for her if I “liked’ her
Facebook status” said Brayton. “I’ve seen so many movies where booty calls
result from “liking” ladies’ posts on Facebook. All of those movies have one or
two X’s in their rating though.”
Officials are not certain, but they are saying that the best way to curb
weird kids from “liking” your Facebook statuses is to not put up dumb
statuses. “There’s no way somebody
named Chalky McPherson can like that there is 37 days left until Xmas if you
don’t put it up on your Facebook,” said one of these surreptitiously anonymous
officials. “We all like the new Ke$ha song, but please don’t post the main
lyrics of the chorus. Creepy Joey JoJo Shabadoo from 11th grade gym
class may try and get in touch with you over it.”