In typical Boeheim fashion, Boeheim complained on Monday that his team was ranked number one in the nation.

“I certainly didn’t vote for us,” avers Boeheim. “I don’t know who did, and I don’t know why they did. Did you see some of those plays we made? Disgusting. We have a lot of work to do.”

Many members of the men’s team began to celebrate around 12:30 PM on Monday when the rankings were released, but their celebration was cut short when Boeheim called a team meeting to convey his disgust with their “continued underachieving performances.”

“I thought for once that Coach would be happy with us,” says forward Rick Jackson. “We beat the eighth best team in the country by almost twenty points. But I should’ve known”¦”

Boeheim posed the question, “Is it too much to ask that they play up to my incredibly insane standards of perfection?”

Many members of the Syracuse community have urged Boeheim to lay off his team, to let them enjoy the number one ranking, insisting that the team is playing better than any other team in the country. “They can’t be serious,” replied Boeheim, frowning as usual. “In my mind, we’re not even a top 25 team. We’ve got a long way to go.”