A Syracuse University student with a keen eye for the
obvious has boldly predicted that every store on Marshall Street will be a
“sandwich shoppe” by year’s end. Ronald Carlson noticed that there was a new
Jrecks Subs on the popular shopping avenue, replacing “whatever the hell used
to be there.”

Jrecks now joins Subway, Jimmy Johns, Roly Poly, Subway,
Sliders (“hamburger Sandwiches”), Varsity (“Pizza hogies”), Manny’s (Syracuse
golf club sets including sand wedges) and Halo (Ink gyros and tattoos of pitas)
as the venues that offer some form of meat and vegetables between bread around

Using his college-taught abilities to discern and analyze,
Carlson predicted that literally every store on Marshall Street would be
sandwich shoppe by graduation in May, emphasizing that they would be “shoppes”
and not regular “shops.” When asked the difference between the two, Carslon
stated “an extra “p’ and an “e’.” There is no word on how long he has been a

“It seems that every month or so, there has been a new
sandwich place settling up on Marshall Street,” said Carlson. “And listen, I’m
all about capitalism and competition driving down prices which levies the consumer’s
economic interest and augments his dollar”¦but another sandwich place?
Seriously? Even the Earl of Sandwich himself is like, “Really with another
sandwich place on Marshall Street at Syracuse University?”

Officials have convened and discussed the matter, and have
come to an agreement that the Earl of Sandwich has been dead for like a
bajillion years and could not have said the anachronistic statement.

Carlson would later butt in to the writing of this article
to add that businesses should look into other forms of restaurants to put on
Marshall Street. “Like seriously, how about like a British food place or a
African food place. This is a college campus”¦let’s diversify our foods baby!”

Everyone on campus agrees that those would be horrible ideas.