Mahwah, NJ- Awkward silence struck the Village apartments
with fury last Thursday when Tom Bishop, friend of Nathan Jones and Brad Owens,
excused himself from the living room to use the bathroom. According to Owens,
“Dialogue was flowing smoothly. Tom was about to tell us about his night in
Hoboken when, all of a sudden, he got that look in his eyes and darted to the
toilet. Personally, I blame Chipotle, as we had gone there for lunch.”

According to sources, the drop-off in conversation was both
excruciatingly awkward and unbearably palpable. “We spent a minute or so
talking shit about Tom immediately after he left,” recalls Jones. “That helped
us coast for a bit, but it just wasn’t enough.”

An anonymous source close to the victims informs us that the
basketball game they were watching had been at the half, and all that was on TV
was The Lovely Bones on HBO. “I’ve
seen that movie like ten times. I can’t watch Susie Salmon fall for Stanley
Tucci’s bullshit again.” With the TV merely serving as background noise, Nathan
Jones and Brad Owens remained engaged in a heated battle with uncomfortable

In a last ditch effort to remedy the situation, Jones grabbed
his laptop to show Owens a funny YouTube video, only to remember that Ramapo
does not allow wireless Internet in campus housing.