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CURRENTLY KICKIN' ASS
Article by Leah Folta March 2, 2012
Hi, school. We’ve been together for over 16 years now. I know you’re in your 130s and that doesn’t seem like a long time, but it’s 16/21 of my life and I don’t know why you’re doing this to me. I guess I always knew the graduating thing was coming. College is this cushy, insulated... MORE »
The National Football League’s ongoing investigation of the New Orleans Saints’ bounty program has discovered that infamous bounty hunter, Boba Fett, was contacted multiple times by head coach Sean Peyton. Under the dubious program, not enough players were being injured at the hands of the Saints, which upset the coaching staff. While the signing of... MORE »
“I can’t get hired anywhere!” cries recent grad Becca Reese. “My ex-roommate’s work wasn’t hiring, then my second choices weren’t hiring, then my backups turned me down, and then my second choices called again to make sure I understood I’m unhirable.” Such is the lame, unfun reality check that is trying to find a part-time... MORE »
In light of the current atmosphere of increased attention to other cultures, Mizzou officials look to cover all their bases this holiday season by providing dÃ©cor and activities in celebration of not only all present holidays but also any future holidays celebrated by religions not yet practiced. “According to the 2008 American Religious Identification Survey,... MORE »
It’s getting toward the end of the year, and my writers are getting bored as shit. So, this is what I’ve come up with to occupy their time. It’s a little contest I like to call, “The Biggest Bullshiter.” And yes, I’m aware that’s not grammatically correct. I’ve given each writer a mythical creature to... MORE »
Professor Gupta, long-time professor in the SU math department, came clean last week, stating, “I admit, my English is, in fact, impeccable. The faÃ§ade, one which I have kept up for the last few years, was all an act, smoke and mirrors, if you will, used to confuse students.” Students who previously enrolled in... MORE »