The WashU Student Body- An Undecided Voting Bloc

Article by sonovabeach October 16, 2012

Besides the stars and stripes trend in fashion, the Cards making it to October, and our God-given right to buy 64 oz. cups of soda, there is another reason to love AMURRICA. Guilt forces us into a high school gymnasium, patrolled by the local Council on Aging, to check off a box on a sheet... MORE »

Article by Leigh
January 5, 2012

My Winter Break Movie Guidelines

If you’re like me then your winter break has been jam packed with movies, and if you’re Jewish like me then these aren’t movies that you’ve paid for. I put more effort into researching a movie I might have to pay to see in theatres than I’ve put into my thesis. First, I check RottenTomatoes.com... MORE »

Article by Joshua Scarcella
December 8, 2010

Professional Athletes Blame “Magical Jersey Wearing Teens” for Personal Scandals

NEW YORK, NEW YORK – For decades, athletes have blamed drugs, alcohol, and money for their problems. But athletes revealed their newest scapegoat yesterday- teenagers wearing a magical jersey. The announcement was made during a press conference arranged and attended by Lebron James, Tiger Woods, and Brett Favre. The three claimed that during the times... MORE »

Article by maxmartinez
May 30, 2012

Student Found Living in Bailey Hall

Summer has started and many students who are staying in Ithaca have been moving into new apartments to get settled in early. That is not the case for freshman Brian Michael Timinsky, who was found by maintenance living in Bailey Hall on Tuesday. Apparently, Timinsky had set up a living quarters in the basement of... MORE »

Article by Piliour
December 9, 2010

Star Athlete May Stay in School, May Sign Multi-Billion Dollar Contract

DeShaun Jones won the Naismith Trophy for Best Basketball Player of All-Time, averaged 92 PPG, 31 APG and 19 RPG, and was just offered a contract with the New York Knicks for $9 billion. Yet he’s just not sure if he wants to take the money, or spend another year dominating opponents only to have... MORE »

Article by G-Nonymous
November 9, 2011

Report: Marijuana Would Totally be Legal If Stoners Weren’t Too Lazy To Actually Take Action

This past Wednesday, researchers at the Cornell Department of Policy Analysis and Management were shocked to discover that marijuana would totally be legal if stoners weren’t too lazy to actually take political action on the issue.   “After conducting a thorough and comprehensive analysis on cannabis facts, we were surprised to find that there is... MORE »

Article by Anonymous
April 19, 2012

Syracuse University Class of 2016

Dear Campus Basement readers, Are you curious to see who the incoming freshmen are? Do you want to hear how young and innocent they all are? Are you reminiscing when you were still in high school and were anticipating Cuse? Well you are in luck because I have recently gone undercover posing as an incoming... MORE »

Video by Piliour
December 16, 2011

Abe Liu: Harvard’s Van Wilder

On Thursday, Harvard police arrested 27-year-old Abe Liu, who had been posing as a Harvard freshman “because [he] was lonely.” Sad? Yes. Weird? Yes. Spin-off script being written as we speak by National Lampoon starring an Asian Ryan Reynolds? There damn well better be!   Many Harvard students are upset about Liu’s actions. I personally think... MORE »

Article by Rebecca Kriegman
March 28, 2012

How I Imagine Thurtene Honorary Spends an Actual Day

8:00 AM: Wake up to “Call Me Maybe.” Look in mirror. Wink. Drink blood-infused protein shake. 8:32 AM: Play Sims Rollercoaster Tycoon. Feel in control of the lives of others. 10:00 AM: Skip class for “official” Thurtene business. 10:02 AM: Research shades of yellow. Struggle over whether or not the yellow is too green or... MORE »

Article by amcguire
October 14, 2012 1 Comment

CONSPIRACY THEORIES: Why Does Obama Keep Coming to the U?

Heeee’s Baraaacck! That’s right ladies and gentleman, President Barack Obama has made yet another trip down to the U—his 3rd visit in only 8 months…Coincidence?  I THINK NOT!  The Miami basement staff is determined to leave no ROCK unturned and to expose our President’s secret motives. 1.    Love child with Donna Shalala You heard it... MORE »