Football Team Moves Freshmen Into Dorms in Epic Mix-Up

Article by Piliour September 8, 2010

Freshmen were quite surprised during Orientation Week when, instead of Goon Squad, they were greeted by the SU football team. “It was a big mix-up,” says Laura DiCarlo, one of the advisers to Goon Squad. “We have two listservs, one of which is the Goon Squad and one of which is the SU football team,... MORE »

Article by Anonymous
April 26, 2010

Take Back Commencement from the Take Back Commencement People!

Guys, this is getting a little silly. On Thursday, the DO featured two more opinion articles on why Jamie Dimon is a poor choice for commencement speaker. We can now hate Dimon for his company’s environmental policies in addition to its help in nearly ruining our economy. While we’re at it, don’t forget his close... MORE »

Article by maxmartinez
May 15, 2012

End of the World? Snow in Ithaca This Summer

From tsunamis to tornadoes to hurricanes to oil spills, Earth has been experiencing its fair share of natural disasters. Maybe the Mayans were in fact right when they said that the world would end this year. Weird things really have been occurring on our planet for quite a while now, but nothing as weird as... MORE »

Article by Shermysherm11
February 7, 2012

Mizzou Also Gets 387th Pick; He deserves recognition too!

Dorial Greene-Beckham, Mizzou’s new football pride and joy, may have gotten most of the recognition, but he wasn’t the only one recently picked up by Mizzou. Mizzou also received the ESPNU’s 387th ranked player, Gene Troust, and he claims he deserves recognition as well. “I have worked so hard to play football in college, and... MORE »

Article by Michael Sullivan
February 6, 2011

Crit Studies student sez: Pastiche and blank parody at its worst

Some people watch the Super Bowl to see a battle between titans. Others gather to enjoy $3 million-a-pop commercials. I, however, tune in to arbitrarily select one such at and critique it within an inch of its life. The Volkswagon Passat spot featuring a child dressed as Darth Vader honing the Force picked up quite... MORE »

Article by Kahrispy
January 30, 2012

Local College Built Atop Ancient Pedophile Burial Ground, Cursed

Following a local community college’s increased instances of, accusations against, and various hipsters’ iPhone 3G webcam recordings of “straight creepin'” and “skank ass dope” activities, the federal government has, in a move unprecedented within the bowels of human history, taken swift action to deal with the pressing matter. Republicans in Congress, as a part of... MORE »

Article by Becca Grumet
October 4, 2011

Scooters take over USC one Razor at a time: but at what price?

The current traffic on Trousdale Parkway proves that USC students are quickly discovering the benefits of riding a kick scooter to class. But even with these foldable beauties popping up just about everywhere, scooter-riders are still discriminated against on on campus. Serious scooter riders want students to know that they deserve just as much respect... MORE »

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Article by J.D.Basement
January 2, 2012

“New Years Baby 2012” Tells Doctors, Mom, “No Thanks,” Returns to Womb

Providence, Rhode Island- “New Years Baby 2012,’ Gregory Alexander Haup has requested reentry into his mother’s uterus. Upon his emergence at 12:00:07 on the morning of January 1st, Haup took an initial survey of his new environment and made the startling decision. “Yeah, I saw what’s going on in America right now and realized I’m... MORE »