Cool Story Bro: “I should have clotheslined him”

Article by Becca Grumet March 22, 2012

A kid, maybe 14 or 15, was bolting towards me. Like, at top speed. And just like in the movies, time seemed to slow down. I couldn’t move. My thoughts were all: “That’s weird. He’s running like, really fast. He probably has to catch a bus. God I really want a Coke Zero. French fries. Jon Hamm. Wait, what--” MORE »

Article by Alex Rosenthal
September 1, 2010

5 Things To Do Junior Year

Move Off Campus So you spent your first two years at SU living in Brewster and Watson, and your successful entry into a party depended mostly upon the mercy of those arrogant condescending assholes working the front door. Now, that arrogant condescending asshole can be YOU! Whether you’re living on frat row or on Euclid,... MORE »

Article by Piliour
February 23, 2010

On November 3, 2009, Nothing Happened

On November 3rd, 2009, Syracuse did not play a men’s basketball game. If they had played a game, they certainly would not have played a game against LeMoyne College. But there was no game, so this point is irrelevant. On November 3rd, 2009, the Syracuse men’s basketball team was actually not even a team. They... MORE »

Article by Anonymous
October 6, 2010

Breast Cancer Myths Busted!

We’ve all seen the pink ribbons, and some of you even have done your part by walking or running in the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure. But even if you support the cause, do you think this is something that would never happen to you — that you’re too young to get breast cancer? Or... MORE »

Article by Leah Folta
March 17, 2012

Week in Review: Hard out here for a News

Some employers look to Facebook profiles to determine a potential hire’s personality : I can’t figure out how to delete that application that put me in Hufflepuff!! DPS detained two bike theft suspects; one was found in possession of a pair of bolt cutters and a bike that he admitted was stolen, and the second suspect... MORE »

Article by Piliour
November 18, 2010

Athletic Director Discovers Marist Has a Men’s Basketball Team

On Tuesday afternoon, AD Collin Sullivan was shocked when a man in a warm-up suit entered his office and claimed he played for the men’s basketball team. “Whose men’s basketball team?” asked Sullivan, completely perplexed. Up to this point, Sullivan, like many other Marist faculty members and students, had been completely unaware that the Red... MORE »

Article by drewthegoose
May 8, 2012

Student Passes Micro 1014, Subsequently Fixes Economy

A University of Missouri student reportedly received a passing grade in Microeconomics 1014 this for the spring semester, and in turn submitted his solution to the recent economic woes that have plagued the country. Matt Slydel, a sophomore at the university, earned a B- in Micro after having studied an astounding thirty minutes before his... MORE »

Article by Cailin Lowry
April 1, 2013

[Insert Title of Your Own Creation Here!]

It’s been a while, Campus Basement. I’ve been, you know, living my life and stuff (#yolo, but I don’t think that’s a thing still #outdated? #sorry #ugh). Doing work. Sleeping. Going to Trader Joe’s. Watching Portlandia. Grumbling as I try to find a radio station that isn’t playing that stupid Bruno Mars song. Harboring a... MORE »