“He Would Definitely Want Us To Keep Partying,” Says Friend Of Man In Alcohol-Induced Coma

Article by Alex Rosenthal March 29, 2011

Friends of sophomore Jonathan Shafer elected to continue partying hard and getting wasted Saturday night, despite the fact that Shafer was in an apparent alcohol-induced coma, totally unresponsive and passed out on the couch in the living room of Alpha Theta fraternity.   “I’m sure he’ll be fine,” said Shafer’s best friend Steve right before... MORE »

Article by dang
September 25, 2011

Freshman Finally Finds Opportunity To Use Condom Stored In His Wallet Since Seventh Grade

While September 21 was an ordinary day for most of us,  twenty three seconds made that day extraordinary for one Cornell University freshman. September 21 marks the day young Joseph Bemlin lost his Virginity.   The young collegiate recalls spending the night consuming alcoholic drinks with his friends at a fraternity event. While Joe had said... MORE »

Article by Piliour
February 14, 2010

DO Breaks History with Typo-Free Edition

For the first time in its history, the DO has put together an entirely typo-free edition of its paper. The record-breaking edition comes just days after one of its worst performances ever, recording over 183 typographical errors, ranging from missing vowels to omissions of words to flat out random letters. And the typos were not... MORE »

Article by Rud
April 24, 2011

Year Ending; Seniors Refuse to Leave

Forget freshmen overcrowding causing an SU housing crisis; we have bigger problems on our hands. Syracuse University’s senior class has made a collective decision to stay at Syracuse as long as they can. “At first I was all excited to leave..and by at first, I mean when I was like a sophomore. But then I realized... MORE »

Article by Leah Folta
December 20, 2010

2010: USC’s Year in Headlines

Court upholds USC’s trademark of interlocking SC logo, South Carolina’s trademark rejected : The judge defends his decision ““ “you try saying “Gamecock’ with a straight face.” Chik Fil A opens near campus : Spicy chicken deluxe experience declared necessary, religious. Unfortunately, I continue to be incapable of walking past Chipotle NCAA violations, sanctions, ban : Too soon. July... MORE »

Article by BradBabendir
May 1, 2012

To whomever left a Taco Bell cup outside of my room

  You are a sadistic pervert. My emotions are not a Tickle-Me-Elmo doll to be touched and toyed with at your will. My life is not a game, but if it was, the rules would be changing, because I’m the fucking game master, kid. And if I read the Hunger Games, here is probably where... MORE »

Cornell »
Picture by apost
March 29, 2011

How would you like your kebab?

It’s a rough life studying abroad. If our bodies didn’t need more than alcohol to survive it would be less of a struggle…. MORE »

Picture by Alfred
October 26, 2012

Poorly Translated SAW shirt

Spotted in Ernie Davis Dining Hall. I knew Jigsaw was made in China. MORE »

Article by Rud
November 21, 2011 1 Comment

UC System To Begin Routine Beatings of Students

After the events that occurred on UC Davis’s and Berkeley’s campuses this past month, many people expected that the universities would strive to protect their reputations through support for peaceful protests and apologies for their resident police departments’ actions. Not the case. In fact, the UC system announced today that it would begin routine beatings... MORE »