Girl Gets Drunk, Cries About Nothing

Article by natkirst March 6, 2013

MU student Sarah Stark was found on the back deck of AΣΣ’s house last Thursday, bawling her eyes out for no apparent reason. “One second I see her up on the table dancing with a guy I’m almost certain she’s never met, and the next second she’s falling all over me sobbing, ‘I wanna go... MORE »

Article by carolineoreilly
February 28, 2013

Alpha Sigma Sigma Builds Coat Room, Becomes Top Frat on Campus

In a recent poll conducted by the MU Greek System, Alpha Sigma Sigma, Mizzou’s formerly lowest-ranked fraternity by female students, has recently been rated “Top House on Campus.” Though experts are citing a number of reasons for the rankings upset, female students asked about their sudden change in heart towards the fraternity, nearly all mentioned... MORE »

February 25, 2013

New Party & Nightlife Website Find Ragers Nearby

Where are we going? How big is it going to be? What’s the ratio of guys to girls? These are the typical questions you would expect, after inviting friends on a typical evening out. Despite these questions, students still resort to walking around campus looking for the loudest house parties, or a familiar face telling... MORE »

Article by Becca Grumet
February 22, 2013

Music Festival Lineups Announced, Everyone Turns into Douchebags

“Dude, did you see the Bonnaroo lineup?” asked a tall, skinny white kid to his equally skinny white friend at the Campus Center this past Tuesday. “Dude. Dude!” We started to notice similar instances happening all around campus. One girl near our table in particular frantically proceeded to share jpegs of the Coachella lineup on each of... MORE »

Article by connorc23
February 20, 2013

PhD Candidates Cite Social Justice FIG as Inspiration

Today, during a press conference that nobody asked for, several doctoral candidates of Sociology and Political Science at the University of Missouri cited the Social Justice Freshmen Interest Group program, or FIG for short, as an inspiration for their further pursuits. The FIG meets once every week for an hour to discuss issues that mostly... MORE »

Article by Cailin Lowry
February 18, 2013

Fighting On Elsewhere: A Daytrip to San Luis Obispo

Though the USC area certainly has its redeeming qualities (Spudnuts, USC, the UV movie theatre, the raccoon I once saw outside of my apartment building), the inhabitants of Figueroa etc. do occasionally long for time away from DPS reports, bike thieves, poor late night diet decisions, and the occasional vaguely rabid squirrel. That is where... MORE »

Article by Alfred
February 11, 2013

Pope resigns, realizes there is no God after hearing Pauly D will be playing at Syracuse University

Catholics around the world were shocked to hear that Pope Benedict XVI had resigned from his position as “THE CLOSEST PERSON TO GOD ON EARTH.” He tells sources at Campus Basement that the departure comes from fatigue, old age, and University Union’s Winter Carnival line-up. “They were hyping the students up, saying, ‘oh get ready,... MORE »

Article by Harris Mayersohn
February 10, 2013

USC Realizes There Were Better Project Name Options Than Master Plan

As USC continues its restoration and expansion into the area around the University Park Campus, President C.L. Max Nikias and other school administrators now realize it would have been wise to brainstorm a little more before settling on naming their initiative the Master Plan. USC’s Master Plan – which has nearly nothing to do with... MORE »

Article by carolineoreilly
February 6, 2013

Top Ten Pop Culture Predictions of 2013

1. Kim Kardashian gives birth on live television, baby Kimye eats its way out of Kim’s uterus Twilight-style. Kris Jenner promptly sells the newborn’s life rights to E!. 2. Anne Hathaway punches Best Actress winner Jessica Chastain at the Oscars: “I SHAVED MY HEAD FOR THIS.” 3. Leonardo DiCaprio decides to move to daytime television... MORE »