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Cornell Doctoral Candidate in Philosophy discovers that Life isn’t Fair

Article by dang October 29, 2010

Ms. Lee’s thesis aptly titled “Life is not fair and square” is being lauded as one of the 21st century’s greatest philosophical accomplishments. The thesis took about four years to complete. As part of her research, Ms.Lee toured inner city neighborhoods throughout America where she encountered poverty in various forms. Ms Lee stated that “upon  realizing... MORE »

Article by Roy Parker
November 4, 2011

An Urgent Plea for You to Read

Dear Reader,   I don’t think you understand how important it is that you’re reading this article. For at this very moment, you are in fact saving lives. Whose lives? Our lives. The lives of us trapped down here in this basement forced to write articles for your amusement.   Are you confused? Let me... MORE »

Article by Piliour
November 18, 2010

Janitor at MIT Fired For Inability to Solve Ridiculously Complicated Equation

Fred Daniels was released from his position as a custodian at MIT last week because of his inability to solve an extremely complicated equation that one of the professors had posted on a board outside his classroom. “I don’t really understand what happened,” says Daniels. “I’ve had this job for 25 years, and nobody ever... MORE »

Article by Piliour
August 30, 2011

So, You Want to Visit MySlice”¦

If you read the title of this article and are actually pursuing a way to visit the mythical MySlice, I know two things about you: 1) you’re a freshman, 2) you’re naïve. MySlice is not a page one visits. MySlice is a cold, cold bitch that must be stabbed in the belly with a blade... MORE »

Article by Alex Rosenthal
October 11, 2010

Automatic Medical Note Generator

Ever been in a situation where you couldn’t make it to class? Or you could, but just didn’t feel like it because your new Netflix movie just came in the mail or your idiot roommate Phil was convinced he could beat you in Halo and you just had to prove him wrong? Worried about the... MORE »

Article by hohun71
February 24, 2012

Obama Not Only Muslim But Pees Sitting Down

Shortly before President Obama was elected into office the nation was racked with fear that he might be of the Islamic faith. Now, with the 2012 election looming, it appears that Obama’s religion will be questioned once more. What voters need to know, however, is that there are more pressing issues regarding Obama that must... MORE »

Video by
December 9, 2011

Watch a LSU Cheerleader’s Perspective Through Her Eyes

Hold on tight. Flip, fly through the air and runout with the team from the perspective of an LSU Cheerleader during the Nov. 25 LSU Football game vs. Arkansas in Tiger Stadium. Midget at 1:22. MORE »

Article by G-Nonymous
April 9, 2012

Amanda Bynes Arrested for DUI

According to Cornell Law Professor Gold, at the close of the trial the dancing lobsters were brought in. MORE »

Article by Rud
October 18, 2010

Flint and Day Hall Secede from the Union(well, University)

     It was reported on Saturday, October 16th, that Day and Flint halls located on the outskirts of the University in an area commonly referred to as “Mount Olympus” were seceding from the university. “It just seemed like the right thing to do.” a Day Hall supporter of the movement commented. “We and the... MORE »

Article by apost
September 9, 2011

New Online Blackboard: Worse Than Chalk

Coming back to Cornell every August and signing into your Blackboard account used to be a simple task. But, this year, for some reason unbeknown to the student body, blackboard has changed. GASP! I logged in and there was a warning. IN CASE YOU’RE TOO STUPID TO HAVE NOTICED THE MAJOR CHANGES, WARNING THERE ARE... MORE »