Student Sues Campus Post Office After Misplaced Package

Article by gpsmonkey January 4, 2012

It was a typical day for Dan. He woke up on a Tuesday morning and began getting ready for his boring 9:00am history class with Professor Rooney. Only one thing was different for Dan that morning: today was the day his new Fleshlight came in the mail. Over $70 and 3-4 weeks of raging anticipation,... MORE »

Article by jillboard
April 26, 2012

Dating at Ramapo; The Guys’ Guide

Dating at Ramapo is the trickiest of trades. It’s the epicenter of sexual frustration. Most girls at Ramapo have considered going lesbian to avoid having to hook up with one more Ramabro, but we already discussed that in The Girls’ Guide to dating at Ramapo. Thus, it is only fair to emotionally scar the Ramababes as well.... MORE »

Article by Alex Rosenthal
October 18, 2010

Invitations to Actual Facebook Events Get Lost Amidst Thousands of EEE Surveys

Nobody attended Frank Haggert’s 21st birthday party on Friday. Or Wendy Yu’s last varsity field hockey game as a senior. Or sorority Phi Kappa’s fundraiser for struggling local elementary schools. Creating event pages on Facebook used to be a great way to spread the word about house parties, sporting events, and philanthropies. Unfortunately, nobody seems... MORE »

Article by Kevin Slack
September 22, 2010

Spokesman: New Frat regulations to work “just like Prohibition”

In a press conference Wednesday afternoon, Fraternity and Sorority Affairs spokesman Alan Markowitz expressed nothing but confidence in the new regulations instituted on fraternity parties.  “We really wanted to curb the proliferation of alcohol at these fraternity parties, and by banning alcohol from being served, we believe students will be deterred from consuming or serving... MORE »

Article by apost
January 13, 2012

You’ve Done it Again. RIP Palms O’Clock.

Dear Cornell, Thank you. Sincerely, Graduating seniors and recent alums Yes, we thank you for all the hard work you have put in, to make us want to leave your campus, and be okay with the fact that our jobs are so competitive and demanding that we are unable to make the trip to come... MORE »

Picture by Anonymous
October 19, 2010

Go Cuse!

Tops.. or for us old schoolers P&C MORE »

Article by Piliour
February 16, 2010

Augie’s: Goodbye, Old Friend

A few months ago, Augie’s Pizzeria did the unthinkable: it closed down. For years, Augie’s brought joy to the lives of SU students, stumbling back from their favorite waterholes and in desperate need of sustenance. And at one dollar per slice, the drunkards were loath to resist the siren call of steaming mozzarella, sweet marinara... MORE »

Marist »
Article by Piliour
September 13, 2010

Parking Ticket Fee Increase

Due to recent events, John Gildard, head of Marist Security, has announced that the penalty for illegal parking will now be more severe. Previously, a parking ticket resulted in a $25 fine. Now, however, the perpetrator will be forced to pay a $400 fine, and will have to sign their vehicle over to Marist Security.... MORE »

Video by ChillBro
June 22, 2010

90s Chucks

as same as the 2010s Chucks MORE »

Article by Alex Rosenthal
April 11, 2012

Goodnight, Sweet Prince: A Tribute to Rick Santorum

Well, friends, it’s been a hell of a journey. But the world’s number 1 comedy source for the past six months or so has officially run dry. Former Republican presidential candidate Rick Santorum has “suspended” his campaign, forcing political satirists to stay at work past 5pm for the first time since he announced his candidacy.... MORE »