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Passive Aggression Runs Rampant Across Campus
This past Thursday afternoon, campus police were dispatched to break up a fight that started in the bookstore. Witness reports state that the fight began when a 5’3” white female walked past another 5’4” white female without any visible recognition of the latter despite their past friendship. Reportedly, the two had been friends up until... MORE »
Student Asks Question To Prove He Doesn’t Need To Do So
As the second week of the semester closes, the material being covered in classes is finally starting to touch outside the realm of common sense. As we roll into week three the girl getting over some weight issues who just got her fake ID will once again be easier than your classes, and all will... MORE »
USC to Add More GE Classes because They Think Students Actually Like Them
“Who doesn’t love the General Education classes?” is the question with which USC President C.L. Max Nikias started off his public statement yesterday. And while somebody should have said, “NOBODY,” nobody did and he went on thinking that everyone does. In front of a small group of advisors and higher-ups here at the university, President... MORE »
Ramapo 2013 Commencement Speaker Announced: The Janitor Who Worked In Steve Jobs’ Accountant’s Office
Mahwah, NJ- After literally grueling and unbearable anticipation, Ramapo College has finally announced the 2013 Commencement Ceremony Speaker. It’s official: the 2013 Commencement Speaker will be The Janitor Who Worked In Steve Jobs’ Accountant’s Office. President Mercer told us exclusively, “this is literally the only guy that said yes.” He furthered that even the Butler... MORE »
30 Rock and other shows insult Syracuse, must be destroyed
Tina Fey’s long running show, 30 Rock, will be airing its hour-long series finale tonight at 8/7 central on NBC. Let it be known that this was not Fey’s decision to end the show- it was the higher power of Syracuse University. Fey’s character, Liz Lemon, is the head writer of a variety show starring... MORE »
Anime Cosplayers and Dubstep Enthusiasts Plan Massive Party, Record Low Attendance Expected
Both anime cosplayers and dubstep enthusiasts alike have grown tired of being relatively companionless, and reports are surfacing that members from both subcultures have converged to plan what they believe will be the greatest, most life-changing party ever. The idea was the brainchild of Japanophile Chris Petersson, who Facebooked one entire acquaintance, Steven Clark, an... MORE »
Mizzou’s Twerk Team Turns Heads, Werks Dat Booty
Mizzou’s best-kept secret, its Twerk Team, has gained a substantial amount of notoriety this week after a record seventh place finish at the Middle America Collegiate Twerking Classic. Competing against fourteen teams from neighboring states, the Tiger twerkers proved not just to Missouri, but Illinois, Arkansas and other less relevant nearby states (Kansas) that there... MORE »
“Trojan Family Room” renamed for napping purposes
Since its grand opening in 2010, the Ronald Tutor Campus Center has been quite the useful addition for all Trojans, from the outdoor International Plaza to the upstairs offices and Traditions in the basement. But the most useful of all, however, has been the grand entrance of Sample Hall, more commonly known as the “Trojan... MORE »
Phone Screenshots Officially Confirm Syracuse is Coldest Place Ever
Syracuse University students posted hundreds of smart phone screenshots of the city’s weather to social media in the past three days, officially confirming the city is “literally, like, THE coldest place ever.” The sheer number of screenshots showing temperatures that ranged from -65 degrees Celsius to 10 degrees Fahrenheit alarmed scientists, who quickly confirmed the... MORE »
Post-Break Revelations
Considering I’m a junior, I should probably be beyond the post-break Trojan culture shock I experience whenever I return to campus. After three straight weeks of sleeping for between ten and fifteen (mmm, REM) hours per night, forcing my dog to cuddle with me, and playing Bejeweled Blitz until I get a new high score... MORE »