Guys/Girls: The Dining Hall

Article by Piliour October 2, 2011

The dining hall. A classic pick-up spot. Nothing’s sexier than sweatpants and laxative-laced food. The problem is, it’s a prime location for misinterpretations. And sexual innuendo. But most of all, the best spot for a blossoming romance. The only problem is: guys are incapable of using their brains when speaking to a female. Observe: Guy: Aw... MORE »

Article by Piliour
January 20, 2011

Study: Class Attendance Linked to Narcolepsy

A recent study conducted by the American Sleep Society shows that attending class while enrolled in college may cause students to instantly fall asleep. The ASS has issued a warning to campuses nationwide, alerting professors to watch for signs of the disease, including, but not limited to, drooling, hypnic jerks, snoring, wearing pajamas, heads slipping... MORE »

Article by Kevin Cardoni
April 7, 2012

Public Restrooms – A Letter to Some Very Disgusting People

A letter to the soulless creatures who don’t know what a urinal is: For whatever reason, the term, “Public Bathroom,” has become synonymous with the phrase, “Urine-coated Public Bathroom.” As someone who uses bathrooms as a phone booth to receive nature’s calls, I find it horribly offensive that people feel the need to pee all... MORE »

Article by natkirst
January 8, 2013

Cool College Guy Claims He’s Really Into Sports And Having Sex With Women

Last Thursday night Freshman Doyle Matheson admitted in conversation with a member of the opposite sex that he was “really into sports.” “Ladies love guys that are really into sports,” said Matheson, “which explains why I get it in on the regs.” As evidence of his love of sports, Matheson receives ESPN updates to his... MORE »

Article by Becca Grumet
February 22, 2013

Music Festival Lineups Announced, Everyone Turns into Douchebags

“Dude, did you see the Bonnaroo lineup?” asked a tall, skinny white kid to his equally skinny white friend at the Campus Center this past Tuesday. “Dude. Dude!” We started to notice similar instances happening all around campus. One girl near our table in particular frantically proceeded to share jpegs of the Coachella lineup on each of... MORE »

Picture by apost
April 1, 2012

Yogurt Crazy Bases Hours on New Cornell Study

A new business study from the Dyson School at Cornell shows that undergraduates only eat frozen yogurt at two points: when they are drunk or when the sun has completely set. When the Daily Sun article came out, students were confused as to whether or not this article was meant to be written for the... MORE »

Article by Leah Folta
April 13, 2011

Sophomore discovers Facebook ‘happy birthdays’ less meaningful than she thought

“It’s ““ it’s basically just a wave, or a poke, even, nowadays,” sophomore Katy Ruiz chokes through stifled sobs. “I didn’t realize that this last little shred of e-happiness I had has been bastardized, just like the rest.” The distraught Ruiz refers to her recent revelation that Facebook “happy birthday” wishes are perhaps more casual... MORE »