Thursday, October 7th was a dark day for Syracuse University Freshman, Joseph Petrapolis. Joseph decided that skipping his 8 a.m. lecture class of 200 students would be “no big deal”. Instead of attending class he reportedly slept in until 11am and enjoyed a leisurely breakfast.

       Big fucking mistake, Joe. 11:30am was when tragedy struck. Petrapolis received a phone call from his irate mother at this time.
      “She started screaming about tuition and wasting it, and at first I really had no idea what she was talking about. How could she know I skipped class? There was no way. My professor took attendance last class, so it had to be against Syracuse policy for him to take attendance two classes in a row. That’s just wrong.” Petrapolis’ mother had received a phone call from his professor, Dr. Kenneth Martin, alerting her to her son’s absence.
      “I began teaching my class, going over some things that had been on last week’s test, and basically just killing the first 20 minutes of class when I noticed something was not quite right. There were 199 students in my class…One was missing. So I had everyone stand up, say their name and by process of elimination I deduced that Mr. Petrapolis was not present in my class that morning. So I took it upon myself to inform his mother. Sucker. Even if he knows the information I’m teaching and doesn’t need to attend my two hour lecture, he still needs to attend my two hour lecture. Get what I mean?” Dr. Martin is quoted as saying.
      Mrs. Petrapolis was eager to give a statement to CuseMyCampus publications. “My Joseph thinks he’s too smart to go to class, huh? Well, I’m glad I know my son is at a school where he won’t slip through the cracks. That Dr. Martin is doing his job  right, he even alerted me to some other problems Joseph has been having at school. Joseph, if you’re reading this, what’s this I hear about you losing recess last week? Don’t think your professor didn’t tell me! These people aren’t running a babysitting service for Christ’s sake.”