Local Syracuse man, Ted Genuario decided to please his parents this upcoming Spring semester by attending more classes to improve his GPA. “Yeah, they like were like if you get a 3.0 next semester we’ll get you Bangles tickets for the Summer, so I was like fuck yeah The Bangles! I didn’t study though, because I figured The Bangles weren’t really going out of style anytime soon. It’s definitely been a few semesters since they promised me that, but there’s no way I’m more than a Junior so I got time.”

Upon being informed that the year was bordering on 2011, Ted promptly dropped his Walkman and spit out his Tab-Cola. “It’s what year?! What the hell have I been doing since 1985?” exclaimed Ted. “I mean, I know haven’t been to class in a while but I’ve been hanging out with the kids here and they don’t seem to treat me any differently, there’s no way it’s 2011!” Ted’s face registered a look of realization as he looked to his left and right at the middle-aged people sitting next to him. “Oh, son of a bitch! You guys are old as dirt too! How long have we been sitting in The Varsity?!”
“Let me get this straight, there’s been two Bushs in office, MJ is dead and Friends went of the air?! Oh, wait, what’s Friends?” a stunned Ted asked. 
“If I’m so old then how come I still go to my 2pm Psychology class every other week, huh? Yes I’ve heard of therapy! Oh, that’s what that is…How come nobody said anything to me? Screw this, guys, let’s go up the road to Maggies.”