After spending years subjecting students to SU’s array of dated
computers and dated versions of Windows (is 95 not modern? Not 98
either? Surely this Vista thing is”¦), the school upgraded to Windows 7
in all of its 1990s computers – and watched the chaos ensue.

Since the 2010 software upgrade in the Cretaceous-era computers,
students have found themselves suffering the school’s ITS mishap.
Whether just logging on to check emails, print the unread reading
assignment they have for the class that started five minutes
ago, or just using the time-inefficient machines to crash AirOrangeX in
attempts to find porn, SU students are being thwarted across campus by
the alleged improvement.

“I think it’s a scam to make us all Apple people. You notice all the
Apple deals going on at the bookstore these days? None of the Newhouse
computers are running slower – it’s all a con from Steve Jobs himself,”
says sophomore conspiracy theory major, Jason

Whatever the reasoning may be, Windows 7 is succeeding at one thing: pissing the hell off of students.