On Tuesday afternoon, AD Collin Sullivan was shocked when a man in a warm-up suit entered his office and claimed he played for the men’s basketball team. “Whose men’s basketball team?” asked Sullivan, completely perplexed.

Up to this point, Sullivan, like many other Marist faculty members and students, had been completely unaware that the Red Foxes had a men’s team. “This is, to be honest, news to me,” said Sullivan. “For years, the papers have written about our women’s team, but I’ve never seen a thing about the men’s team. I guess I just assumed we didn’t have one.”

Members of the men’s basketball team, while upset, were not completely taken aback by the news. “I’m not surprised at all that Mr. Sullivan didn’t know about us,” said sophomore guard Candon Rusin. “I’m actually not sure that Coach Martin knew we were a varsity team. I think he thought he was doing volunteer work or something.”

Coach Martin backed this statement, stating, “I didn’t know what we were doing, but I certainly didn’t think we were a legitimate varsity team. As far as I knew, Marist had a women’s team, and that’s it.”

When asked if the news would affect the athletics department in any way, Sullivan replied, “Definitely not. Frankly, I’m still not convinced that this is all true. I’ll have to watch a few games, and if it looks like they actually are a basketball team, then maybe things will change.”

So it looks like nothing is going to change.

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