Boom! Crash! Thud! Or even the entire room shaking in a thunderous roar.

These are the sounds that a non-ASB Ramapo student has become used to in the past month, as the academic area of campus has been littered with machinery, materials, construction workers, and circus flags.

Allegedly, the school is in the process of replacing the roofs. While this claim seems legitimate, as one thinks back to the brown spots in the ceilings on rainy days, it is in fact a facade.

The extreme interruptions during class are actually an initiative by the college to prepare for a potential nuclear attack from enemy countries such as North Korea, Iran, Israel, Afghanistan, Switzerland, and Cuba.

The drill is similar to the preparations made in schools in the 1950s; students hid under their desks, making them completely impervious to the Atomic Bomb.

The areas roped off by the circus flags have a dual purpose. Firstly, they are meant to entertain drunk students, taking attention away from the wooden entry gates that are often violently destroyed on Tuesday and Thursday nights. Secondly, the area is considered the designated safe corridor. Much like a student hiding under their desk in the 1950s, you are invulnerable to nukes of all sizes, according to Ramapo’s Scientific Research Department.

Though the drills have not yet been officially announced, this is an obvious explanation as to why the roof banging must happen during class time. I mean, otherwise they’d do it at night, on the weekend, or over the summer while nobody is here, right?