What does “Good Friday” mean to you? Is it something that comes once a week? Is it when you get paid? Laid? A good Grade? I digress on sub-par rhyming. We all have our stories, and what’s a better yearly reminder than Good Friday to make you think of all the awesome Fridays you’ve had in your life.
Below are stories of epic Fridays from our staff (Excluding myself).
1. “I Can’t Believe I Didn’t Die!” –Jake Strasser
“I met a girl on a cruise. She was hot but would not stop talking! I finally got her to agree to some epic shit…
Here I am, scuba-diving and having sex at the same time (Scuba-sex), when I see a shark coming close to us. Things were getting a bit “Fishy”. As I panic I notice the girl doesn’t even see the shark. I’m so close to finishing, but I know that each hump could be my last. I go for it, get my nut and swim my ass off. The shark smells the mix of chum and menstruation. Without second guessing disease, it eats her vagina much more ferociously than I could. That shut her up. BEST. FRIDAY. EVER.”
2. “I had no idea I possessed that talent” –Adam Porcelan
“It was at a bar in Miami last year. I was trying to play it cool and hit on some ladies, you know, same old things. Well, next thing I know, this hot azz biotch comes right up to me, biting her lip. She winks and grabs me onto the dance floor. Fuck man, she was so hot! Next thing I know, her boyfriend comes up and pushes me. I turn around to see Wesley Snipes. I’m shitting my pants, this dude’s gonna kill me. That’s when the song kung fu fighting came on. It gave me adrenaline I never thought I had. Our fist fight turned into him protecting himself from karate kicks and shit! Of course, since he’s Wesley Snipes, he pulled out his gat and shot. I took one in the chest and got outta there. I did end up banging his girl that night. Weapons are for pussies, Wesley Snipes.”
3. “I’ve never been more excited”-Sam Klein
“It was gonna be a shitty Friday. Spending all day in a hot air balloon with my family, something we do once every six months to “bond”. We’re at about 5,000 ft, perusing the skyline, talking about the philosophy behind Burn Notice, when we see another hot air balloon with women waving for help! Our Captain floats our balloon towards the stranded women, only to find out that their captain had a seizure moments before, leaving them stuck in mid-air. I know the ropes of this whole hot-air balloon thing, I’m not ashamed to say. You shoulda seen the look on their faces as I leapt from my balloon to theirs and took command. The girls ended up being sorority girls on spring break, horny at my flying ways. The only thing hotter than that air balloon was the 4some that took place in it. I muffed one flame while I nurtured another. Great Friday!”
4. “I got with my dream guy!” –Jill
“Listen Jill, I’m sure it was great, I just don’t wanna hear it.”-Me
Hopefully everyone reevaluates their own meaning of good Friday, and starts to remember legendary moments of life. Anything can happen at any time. After all, Jesus died so we could… you know what? I’ll let it be.