With the recent news that the Ramapo College graduation has
been moved from the band shell to the Prudential Center; many Nets players are
overcome with joy. “I really hope that the Ramapo College basketball team
can show us a thing or two about how to win games,” Nets Point Guard Deron
Williams stated in an exclusive ESPN interview. “When I came here I thought we
could make a run and do something special, but the truth is, these guys suck.”

Many attribute the Nets struggles to the lack of focus by
their owner Mikhail Prokhorov who recently announced he would run for President
of Russia. When the leader of the franchise has other prerogatives, the players
often play with a lack of effort. Prokhorov strongly believes that the upcoming
graduation ceremony will inspire his players to be the best they can be.

Additionally, the graduation at the Prudential Center is
expected to be the highest attendance that they have seen all season. The attendance
is so poor that tickets are currently being sold on Stubhub for 1 cent (no
joke). In all honestly, you couldn’t pay me enough to go see the Nets play.

Jay-Z, the NJ Nets minority owner, is so ashamed that he is
reluctant to take his new born daughter to see the team play. “She’ll be
scarred for life. I can’t have my baby girl in the presence of such failures.”