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The Grand Graduation Ceremony

Article by GnarlySkarz

March 30, 2012 at 9:14 pm

Although graduating in Newark has its own excitements, we all know what graduation will actually be like…

Sounds like a great time

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◄ National Cleavage Day is Here!

Graduating student realizes she missed the “weird hair window” ►

May 8, 2012

Special Senior Dinner Ends In Shit Storm

Most folks with a higher education can look back at their final week of college and recall seven days of drunken havoc, poor decisions, questionable morals, and loose women. A Ramapo graduate, however, can look back fondly upon snack time in the alcohol-free tent, finger painting, a police presence, and being quarantined in the Village.... MORE »

March 17, 2012

The Goodbye Guidebook: How to Sever Ties With Those People Before Graduation

Saying goodbye sucks. Unless you’re saying goodbye to Ramapo, which will be a joyous occasion celebrated on May 16th in the car-theft capital of America. But as far as saying goodbye to people, it can get a little dicey. For true friends, it won’t be too complicated, as you guys have already booked a house in... MORE »

February 8, 2012

Nets overjoyed to meet their idols: Ramapo Basketball Team

With the recent news that the Ramapo College graduation has been moved from the band shell to the Prudential Center; many Nets players are overcome with joy. “I really hope that the Ramapo College basketball team can show us a thing or two about how to win games,” Nets Point Guard Deron Williams stated in... MORE »

January 2, 2012

The KKK Took My BigLots Away

Boonesboro, Kentucky Big Lots, Inc, often stylized as BigLots or BIG!LOTS, is a department store known for its success in selling overstock merchandise. But lately, something else has been piling up around this Fortune 500 company. That something is the Ku Klux Klan, or the KKK. Using the store’s parking lot as a moonlight meet... MORE »

October 12, 2012

Poodles: The Dark Truth Revealed

The name poodle is synonymous with flamboyant dog show excess to most. It conjures images of uber-groomed monstrosities, sporting bouffant and leg-warmer hybrids best left to rot in the 1980s. Poodles are a perfect breed for the persnickety. They come in three size categories and the owners can sculpt their shape as they desire. Poodles... MORE »

March 26, 2012

Moneybang: The Tale of One Brave Man’s Quest to Forever Change the Game (of Hooking Up)

I started following Billy Rice around in the fall of 2010 because I believed in him. I believed in what he was doing; I felt he was changing the game. A game that had the same rigid set of rules in regard to scouting talent for as long as I can remember. The game was... MORE »

March 19, 2012

Not So Model Behavior at Ramapo

Weekdays between 1:00 pm and 2:00 pm, Ramapo’s sole express dining facility, the Atrium, also known as the Payment Cafeteria, or Pay-Caf, experiences an influx of students. While eating lunch between class, one can be certain that they will be surrounded by a mixed bag of demographics that they wouldn’t ordinarily come in contact with.... MORE »

April 26, 2012

Teacher’s protest Teacher protest

After not getting enough funding for posters and signs, Ramapo professors protested today’s protest at the arch. The turnout, which was anticipated to be well over fifty consisted only of a handful of Ramapo professors that can’t understand English. The teachers who attended were seen walking back and forth from the arch to the Bradley... MORE »

January 31, 2013

Ramapo 2013 Commencement Speaker Announced: The Janitor Who Worked In Steve Jobs’ Accountant’s Office

Mahwah, NJ- After literally grueling and unbearable anticipation, Ramapo College has finally announced the 2013 Commencement Ceremony Speaker. It’s official: the 2013 Commencement Speaker will be The Janitor Who Worked In Steve Jobs’ Accountant’s Office. President Mercer told us exclusively, “this is literally the only guy that said yes.” He furthered that even the Butler... MORE »

December 25, 2011

Lexus Letdown

May 4, 2012

Public Safety Go Undercover, Insult our Student Society

This just in- after Public Safety’s Annual Ice Cream Social, the idea of sending undercover officers has surfaced. Maybe it was because they had recently seen 21 Jump Street. Maybe it was because they want to relive the college experience. Students have reported sightings of Public Safety officers, usually clean shaven with “cool hats and... MORE »

April 6, 2012

The Best Friday- Good Friday Stories

What does “Good Friday” mean to you? Is it something that comes once a week? Is it when you get paid? Laid? A good Grade? I digress on sub-par rhyming. We all have our stories, and what’s a better yearly reminder than Good Friday to make you think of all the awesome Fridays you’ve had... MORE »

March 23, 2012

Studying “Party Girl” Annoyed With Loud Drunks Outside

Anita Wetcrotch, a junior at Ramapo College, has a physics test tomorrow. You might not know her by name, but you may recognize her from her various roles around campus: The girl who’s sleeping with the baseball team The trashed girl at the party The obnoxious girl screaming outside of your window past 2am The... MORE »

March 2, 2012

Vesuvius Remains Found At Ramapo College

Mahwah, NJ- Italian officials have been on a wild goose chase for stolen remains from the Mt. Vesuvius eruption of the year 79. Yeah, the year 79. During the famous eruption, the entire city of Pompeii was covered and “obliterated” (as Wikipedia bluntly states). Remains were stolen from the Italian City of Pompeii back in... MORE »

February 24, 2012

Annual Wheelchair Race Down Village Hill

Nothing says college more than shotgunning beers and watching people find themselves in dangerous situations, right? It’s been a warm winter here in ‘Merica, so while we had to restrain ourselves from the normal ice-luge on fat girls race down Village Hill, we can see an early event in our annual wheelchair race down that... MORE »

February 18, 2012

Types Of College Couples PART 1

All couples are different… but pretty much the same. That being said, Here are the types of couples you’ll encounter on a college campus. The Happy couple Dan and Melissa have been dating for about a year now. They enjoy each others company. They face rocky situations here and there but it’s nothing a good talk... MORE »

February 11, 2012

Pregnant Student Gives Birth for Experiential Component

Angela Zhou, a Senior at Ramapo College has fulfilled her experiential component requirements in quite the peculiar way. She gave birth to a beautiful daughter! It all started back in July on a drunk night. When arriving at school in January she was bursting at the seams.“I knew this bastard child would be popping out... MORE »

February 3, 2012

Communications Student Visits Library for First Time

It was a miraculous day on Ramapo Campus when Brandon Walsh, a Senior Communications Arts Major, visited the library for the first time. “I couldn’t believe how many books were in there,” said Walsh in an interview. “I heard about libraries before, I had one in my elementary school, I guess I never really thought... MORE »

January 18, 2012

Hotdogs to be Suspended From Top of Rock Wall

In an effort to get students in shape and motivated, the Bradley Center staff has imposed a new goal for students. As we all know, the rock wall is not visited very often. Most students walk right past it on their way to the gym, sometimes saying “I’d like to try that sometime.” Yet, it... MORE »

January 13, 2012

Blind Kid Lost in the Reservation

Mahwah, NJ- Tragedy has fallen upon the parks service of Mahwah as Bryce Sheehan, a blind Ramapo student, has wandered into the depths of the Ramapo Reservation. Bryce was last seen with his seeing-eye dog Charlie on Thursday morning. That night Charlie returned home to rest, unaccompanied by Bryce. Locals say they saw the boy... MORE »

January 9, 2012

New Year’s Resolutions: Week 1 Progress Reports

The new year started with a bang. Literally. As the ball tea-bagged the mouth of times square, most of us began the mission of the year. It wasn’t to stay awake until the end of the party (which may have been a mission for some), it was the start of our New Year’s Resolutions. For... MORE »

January 5, 2012

2012: Year of the Dragon

A lot of the world follows the standard 12-month calendar. Not this guy. I strictly follow the Chinese Zodiac calendar. I’ve never been good at math, and this 2011/2012 stuff doesn’t work for me. It’s hard to keep up with the addition. So 2012 is the year of the Dragon. Badass. Much better than 2011’s... MORE »

December 29, 2011

Father Judges Wet Tee-Shirt Contest, Daughter doesn’t win.

When the child is 21 years old is it too late to call Dyphus? This question was raised by many attendees at New Rock’s annual holiday party. The party is usually a good reason for students to find their way out of the books and into the bar scene, yet this year the tension was... MORE »

December 22, 2011

Security Cameras to be Put in Dorms to Promote Healthy Campus Life

Growing frustration concerning a healthy student lifestyle has finally been halted. In an effort to monitor all activity on campus, Public Safety in accordance with the College Council have issued plans to place security cameras inside the dorm rooms. This act was approved as part of a Ramapo-wide movement titled “healthy habits”. “For too long,... MORE »

Raised Tuition Money to Benefit Overweight Space Creatures in Star Wars Galaxy

Village Senior Night adopts Middle School Guidelines

Jerry Sandusky Also Requests...

Timely Warning: Fog Alert

Teacher’s protest Teacher protest

Ramapo Closes Parking Lots, Inadvertently Combats Obesity

J. Lee’s to secede from Ramapo College

Public Safety Go Undercover, Insult our Student Society

The Grand Graduation Ceremony

Public Safety Go Undercover, Insult our Student Society

The Best Friday- Good Friday Stories

Studying “Party Girl” Annoyed With Loud Drunks Outside

Vesuvius Remains Found At Ramapo College

Annual Wheelchair Race Down Village Hill

Types Of College Couples PART 1

Pregnant Student Gives Birth for Experiential Component

Communications Student Visits Library for First Time

Hotdogs to be Suspended From Top of Rock Wall

Blind Kid Lost in the Reservation

New Year’s Resolutions: Week 1 Progress Reports

2012: Year of the Dragon

Father Judges Wet Tee-Shirt Contest, Daughter doesn’t win.

Security Cameras to be Put in Dorms to Promote Healthy Campus Life

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