This just in- after Public Safety’s Annual Ice Cream Social, the idea of sending undercover officers has surfaced. Maybe it was because they had recently seen 21 Jump Street. Maybe it was because they want to relive the college experience.

Students have reported sightings of Public Safety officers, usually clean shaven with “cool hats and sunglasses” walking around campus wearing student clothing and narc-ing the population. Often they try to force awkward conversations with random students, saying things such as:

-“Hey, you seem pretty cool. I’m new here. Do you know where I can get some pot?”

-“Hey, are you under 21? Me too! Can you let me know where you’re partying tonight? I wanna ‘get wild’”

Or, my personal favorite:

-“Hey, I just found a bag of coke. You into it?”

These officers not only sound ridiculous, they look ridiculous too. Martin B told us of their fashion sense: “It’s so easy to spot undercover public safety officers. They’re the ones wearing outdated aeropostale clothes and sketchers.”

It seems childish and naiive of the public safety office to condone such juvenile acts, yet it was an approved idea! Understaffed, the same undercover officers asking you about weed might be the person busting your party that night.

If you had thoughts of your Public Safety protecting you, think again. They’re out to get you. They’re obviously not on our side in promoting a fun, positive college campus. They’re grueling, heartless money-grubbers who will stop at nothing to maintain complete control.

Seriously though, we need to put a stop to the BS, tell the office you feel violated. Next thing you know they’ll have undercover officers who actually know what they’re doing. They’ll forge relationships and ruin this campus from the inside out. What happens when the student population can’t even trust their peers?